Entry 330 - Entry 331

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Entry 330 - False Humility is Focusing on the Illusions
 
9/30/20

I remember when I was a Sophomore, deeply rooted in Christianity, I thought I had to be self-deprecating to be a "good Christian" before God. I thought seeing myself as inherently sinful, full of mistakes, etc., equated to humility and honor before God. I remember feeling like it would be "wrong and weird" to look at myself positively in the mirror, and that I must constantly try to find out how I sinned during the day so that I could properly repent and see how far I was constantly from God. I believed that acknowledging the distance (which is an illusion) granted me humility before God and my fellow religious Christians.

However, the moment I let go of that perception, which was motivated by fear, it was truly life-changing. I felt at peace; I felt above duality. I accepted myself fully for who I was. I saw myself as more than just a sinner born to die, but as a holy pilgrim born to live. I saw my reality above duality. I saw myself as wholeness, as complete, as perfect. When I realized this, I was no longer afraid of seeing myself this way because I knew deep down this is who I truly am. 

To see myself as broken and sinful is not humility; it’s actually very deceptive because we are always one with God, and our oneness with the Creator is our inherent wholeness overall. No matter how many mistakes we make, how many times we mess up, we will always be connected to Source because without the Source, we would cease to exist. Our very existence is evidence of a wholeness that runs deeper than the good and bad experiences and choices we make.

So if separation and division are truly illusions, because we can never truly be separated from God, it’s actually delusional to see myself as anything less than whole. To see myself trapped in form. To see myself as a victim of my actions, born to sin, born to die. Thank God that is simply an illusion, part of the human experience to learn our lessons, to evolve and grow back up to heaven. Ever since I have risen above seeing things in a dualistic way, and now I see life in a holistic way. It isn’t about "me and them"; it’s about "us." It’s not how they believe and how I believe; it’s about us. 

The pressure is off of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and personality defining me, and now it's about who we are behind all these things. We do not derive our sense of self from the things of life; rather, we realize our true essence is connected to true Reality, which is naturally above and beyond the temporary contents of life that pop into existence and cease to exist.

Just as life is more than that which is born and that which dies, we are more than our bodies, which are born and which die. If it were not so, then yes, we would be products of nature. We would be unable to be aware of the contents because we would be the content. We would be little mechanical pieces of a puzzle with no ability to rise above because we are not meant to rise above. We would derive our sense of self from our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and personality because that would be our true essence. But thank God that is not the case. 

Thank God we are more than our environment. We are more than our thoughts, and so on. We are so much more. We are Spirit. We are energy. The form may die, but following the laws of energy, we cannot be destroyed, only transferred. To where? That is to be announced, but nonetheless, this current form isn’t our true home. It’s only a temporary destination. You are so much more than your form, your thoughts, feelings, etc., and just remember that when you’re tempted to identify with the contents of this world rather than the reality observing it. Remember, your true origin is not linear; it’s whole. Remember your roots. Remember, because God is, you are whole.
 

 
Entry 331 - Christianity Failed Me 

9/30/20

I guess the reason why I don’t have much faith in religions such as Christianity anymore (but still in God) is because Christianity failed to prepare me and my family for the world. The Bible is a collection of other people’s stories with God, but it doesn’t go into depth about awareness and how to break free from unconscious behavior, bad habits, anxiety, and stress. It may tell us not to worry, but it doesn’t show us how.

Or it may tell us we’re not our thoughts, but it doesn’t go into depth on any of that. It scratches the surface of a lot of important topics because it isn’t meant to be read as a manual on how to do life; it is primarily a collection of stories of how they did life, including their mistakes, victories, consolation, wisdom, symbols, allegories, and so on.

Then, when I read books like A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, I was fascinated and learned and grew so much because it’s all meant to be applicable to my life in the present moment. It’s not a story of someone else’s life with some wise words; it all pertains to life as it is right now, in this very moment.

I also feel like it’s helped me tremendously in becoming aware of my unconscious behavior, how to handle conflict, to not identify myself with my thoughts, emotions, feelings, and personality, and to realize I am much more than the form I am in—not only to recognize that but to enter into that reality.



 


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