Entry 2,044 - Entry 2,055
Entry 2,044 - November 25th, 2023
People be like, "Oh, I’ll let the universe handle it," not realizing that by saying that, they are creating separation between themselves and the universe.
If one truly believed in oneness and the play of life, they would feel no guilt as the universe brings proper justice to those who hurt them, knowing also that at the end of the day, this whole life is a play.
Entry 2,046 - November 26th, 2023
There are two things I know for sure:
- Unconditional love is truly unconditional and pervades all things, all no-things, in and beyond and through the universe.
- I create my own personal reality and co-create with others around me.
Entry 2,047 - November 26th, 2023
I’ve waited years to find a love I believe I deserve.
I want it passionate.
I want it messy.
I want it full of the crazies,
Where we’re so crazy for each other we can’t stop staring deep into each other’s eyes.
I’m not talking seconds; I’m talking double digits in minutes.
The type of love that lights a fire and lights a whole continent up.
The type of love that makes you feel like you’ve reached Nirvana.
The type of love that, once you enter it, you’re never the same.
Entry 2,048 - November 26th, 2023
Dissolve it instantaneously. You are that powerful.
Entry 2,049 - November 26th, 2023
I said, “Make me more of me,” and then I heard a voice in my head say, “You already are. It’s the beliefs about yourself that make you think you’re not. Dissolve the beliefs by reaffirming the opposite in the present moment. They will disappear in the present moment because you are that powerful.”
Entry 2,050 - November 29th, 2023
Mythology bridges the gap between instinctive knowledge and the individualization of ideas.
Entry 2,051 - December 2nd, 2023
Religion’s ultimate issue is that it focuses people way into the future rather than on the present moment.
It talks about an ideal heaven or paradise rather than coming together, regardless of religion or not, to create that heaven on earth.
Instead of trying to save the animals from human cruelty, poaching, torture, slavery, endangerment, and extinction, people are spending thousands of other people’s dollars to try to get others to convert to their belief system.
It’s detrimental. Attention is costly. How people use it could mean the difference between saving a whole species of animals from going extinct or saving a forest.
Entry 2,052 - December 2nd, 2023
I used to be so disassociated when I was not getting help for my gender incongruence (a medical diagnosis where one feels male but is assigned female at birth). I would experience passive death ideation: thoughts of somehow dying without any desire to make a plan of action to harm myself.
I had general health anxiety, so any thought of attempting to harm my body would make me cringe to the point of wanting to throw up. It was more so the fantasizing of somehow already being dead. Already on the other side. Not having to worry about feeling like a man stuck in a very feminine female apparatus I was contained within. Released from that chronic feeling and having it replaced with ease.
I was so disassociated in general due to gender incongruence, and it was only getting worse the deeper I got into fundamental Christianity. I would fantasize about my death and picture who would show up at my funeral. That’s why I say fundamental evangelistic Christianity (a version of Christianity) almost killed me. It taught me to run from who I was.
I no longer fantasize about being gone. I am in a very healthy place with my body and mind connection since, thankfully, I’ve been treated for gender incongruence, and I will not let anyone try to bring me back into that dissociative, disconnected-from-my-truth lifestyle.
Entry 2,053 - December 4th, 2023
Catholics believe in original sin, Orthodox Christians don’t. That’s why a baby that doesn’t get baptized could still go to hell in the Catholic belief system, while in the Orthodox tradition, that wouldn’t even be a thought.
Four out of the six original seminaries after the establishment of Christianity believed in Apocatastasis. One believed in the annihilation of sinners, and the one in Rome believed in eternal damnation.
Entry 2,054 - December 5th, 2023
I had so many people ask me, “Why’d you wait so long to come out as a transgender man?” And that’s a completely valid question.
Now, how many men do you know get to go to an all-girl slumber party for years on end? Not only are you the only man, but you get to join the “let’s practice making out with each other for our future boyfriends” sessions.
A big reason why I waited was because, yes, I didn’t want to miss these golden-hour sleepover cuddle seshes, but also because I didn’t want to lose my family and friends. What would happen if I came out to my family? Would I be on the streets? Would I be sent to a trans conversion camp?
What about my friends? Would they still invite me over? Would I become a stranger to them? Would they treat me differently? Would I want them to treat me differently? Would they leave me? Would I even make it out alive, or be so miserable that I’d end up somehow on the other side due to a health scare produced out of my deep desire for it to be over?
With transitioning, I wasn’t worried about getting the ladies. I was more worried about attracting too much attention. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to where they said their sex life was miserable—that their boyfriend doesn’t even know where their clit is. Like, come on. The bar is set so low.
Not only that, but there are women who wish they could be lesbian but can’t help being attracted to men. They want the thoughtful gifts, a partner deeply connected to their emotions, someone who will listen to them. And when they come across a trans man, they often exclaim with excitement, “My god, it’s the best of both worlds!”
Now, I know for a lot of trans people, they’re uncomfortable with that compliment, but for me, I love it. It validates that I have had a healthy relationship with my feminine energy, and I’m also a man—who knows where the lightbulb is.
It doesn’t diminish my manhood, knowing I have shared experiences with women from my past. I accept my identity as a transgender individual.
That’s part of what makes us unique, is we’ve experienced puberty twice. Two sides of the coin. Being intensely cramped up and wanting to die from that time of the month and also being extremely horny to the point where we have to run home and work out our right forearm aggressively…with passion…and wit.
We know what women want because we were surrounded by it constantly in social circles. We listened to the mistakes their boyfriends made and the successes they touted on for hours. We were jotting it all down, aware of the beautiful complexities enshrouded in the female species.
We witnessed it firsthand as they cried in our arms on those late nights after the club. Or when they chased us around the yard just because. We get women more than many men because we were totally invested in their lives for a good portion of our own, in more than just the significant other kind of way.
So, yeah, I am the best of both worlds. I don’t hide from my life perceived as female, nor do I believe it invalidates who I’ve always been—a hot motherfuckin’ trans man.
It’s the little, fun gender euphoria moments I get during the day. The way my chest hair rubs against my shirt. The way my back muscles bulge out of my shirt. Or the way my jaw feels kind of rough from the beard coming in.
Or the way I get turned on to dance and prance. Unique, refreshing, connected. It’s the way my voice sounds right when I wake up. Lower than the devil in hell on a good day. Or the way that girl at the gym looks at me when I give her a compliment. Unique, refreshing, connected.
It’s the way I connect with the broskies. How we build each other up but also offer fresh competition. It’s the brotherhood. Unique, refreshing, connected.
Entry 2,055 - December 7th, 2023
Love is heightened above belief.
It touches a lot on unconditional love perceived in daily moments, something that reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13. Ironically, belief is the most inclusive in that chapter: "love believes all things."
Entry 2,056 - December 7th, 2023
God's love is so much more powerful than temporary blood.
Entry 2,057 - December 8th, 2023
What if we said what we were afraid to say to each other?
What if everyone were honest with their feelings?
What kind of world would it become?
Entry 2,058 - December 10th, 2023
ACIM Quotes
Whenever any form of special relationship tempts you to seek for love in ritual, remember love is content, and not form of any kind. ²The special relationship is a ritual of form, aimed at raising the form to take the place of God at the expense of content. ³There is no meaning in the form, and there will never be.
⁴The special relationship must be recognized for what it is; a senseless ritual in which strength is extracted from the death of God, and invested in His killer as the sign that form has triumphed over content, and love has lost its meaning.
⁵Would you want this to be possible, even apart from its evident impossibility? ⁶If it were possible, you would have made yourself helpless. ⁷God is not angry. ⁸He merely could not let this happen. ⁹You cannot change His Mind.
¹⁰No rituals that you have set up in which the dance of death delights you can bring death to the eternal. ¹¹Nor can your chosen substitute for the Wholeness of God have any influence at all upon it.
[Source: A Course in Miracles (ACIM)]
[Reference: T-16.V.12:1-11 | https://acim.org/acim/en/s/206#12:1-11]
Entry 2,059 - December 11th, 2023
Quotes from The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
The fact is that no one has ever become enlightened through denying or fighting the body or through an out-of-the-body experience. Although such an experience can be fascinating and can give you a glimpse of the state of liberation from the material form, in the end, you will always have to return to the body, where the essential work of transformation takes place. Transformation is through the body, not away from it. This is why no true master has ever advocated fighting or leaving the body, although their mind-based followers often have.
What you perceive as a dense physical structure called the body, which is subject to disease, old age, and death, is not ultimately real—it is not you. It is a misperception of your essential reality that is beyond birth and death, and is due to the limitations of your mind, which, having lost touch with Being, creates the body as evidence of its illusory belief in separation and to justify its state of fear. But do not turn away from the body, for within that symbol of impermanence, limitation, and death that you perceive as the illusory creation of your mind is concealed the splendor of your essential and immortal reality. Do not turn your attention elsewhere in your search for the Truth, for it is nowhere else to be found but within your body.
Do not fight against the body, for in doing so you are fighting against your own reality. You are your body. The body that you can see and touch is only a thin illusory veil. Underneath it lies the invisible inner body, the doorway into Being, into Life Unmanifested. Through the inner body, you are inseparably connected to this unmanifested One Life—birthless, deathless, eternally present. Through the inner body, you are forever one with God."
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