Entry 2,014 - Entry 2,043
Entry 2,014 - October 23rd, 2023
Multiple times during Meisner while in grad school, I would disassociate, and everything would turn white—like I wasn’t even there or couldn’t be there because the emotions were too much.
Entry 2,015 - October 24th, 2023
Spirituality encouraged me to live disassociated from my emotions for such a long time that it’s actually repulsive and sickening. I say no more.
I embrace them fully.
Entry 2,016 - October 24th, 2023
Yeah, sure, anyone can be “happy” by disassociating from their emotions. Any spiritual teacher who teaches this is low-grade. All your emotions deserve to be seen, felt, and experienced.
Entry 2,017 - October 29th, 2023
The greatest secret is that death is the most euphoric exit of one's life. It's a nirvanic release of life that instantly transforms into a nirvanic transfer into another dimension. One doesn't automatically forget everything. They can even explore the past strands of life and tediously review every detail, idea, belief, and experience that led them to where they are now.
This past-life exploration allows one to peer into multiple dimensions, like checking out the multiple layers of a burger. There is no fear in this exploration, only added excitement to uncover the answers to questions one had while alive that went unanswered for years.
Death is to life as a cold plunge is to Hawaii. Imagine fully immersing yourself into ice-cold water, and when you shoot up, you’re transported to Hawaii. Then all the water around you is set at the perfect temperature for your arrival. This is death’s greatest secret.
Entry 2,018 - October 29th, 2023
Looking at life through the lens of sin is such a guilt- and shame-based mindset. It’s sickening. Instead of seeing life as a series of mistakes or good choices—which is completely subjective to each person—we try to slap on a global morality or a church-defined morality. If we break the rules, we feel bad.
Rather than seeing it as a mistake and an opportunity to improve, we could view mistakes as positive benchmarks for growth. We can choose to see them as ways to evolve rather than as reasons to feel guilty or ashamed.
Entry 2,019 - October 29th, 2023
Religions are weird morality clubs, and the way you advance is by pretending to be more moral than others.
Entry 2,020 - October 29th, 2023
I'm tired of spiritual teachers who only focus on what it means to be divine and not on what it means to be human. We are both free and limited for the experience to be as it is. It is only bad if one looks at it that way.
We often say something happened in a way we did not expect, but what if things happened exactly as we expected, and we were simply blinded to the information in order to experience the surprise? What if we are more interested in the surprise than getting what we think we want in that moment, rather than what we've always wanted before that moment?
Blood, for many, equates to life, but they fail to realize that blood represents humanity. It represents birth into a world of limitations. Everything in blood has a time stamp for how long it will be until it decays and dies. Nothing in blood represents eternal divine life but rather temporal human life. So to say Jesus' blood was eternal life doesn't make sense. That would mean His blood would always exist and never end, but that is not the nature of blood. Blood represents humanity, limitation, play, and manipulation. That's why you see thousands of wizards and witches use blood in their magic. It is used to manipulate events on Earth, not to grant what is already there.
Eternal life does not need temporal blood to grant what it already is. Eternal life transcends the duty and demands of blood. It transcends the limitations of humanity symbolized by blood. If you run out of blood, you run out of Earth life. If you run out of Earth life, you die. Eternal life states firmly that there is no beginning nor end to it, and therefore it could never be taken away because it doesn't have limitations or weaknesses to manipulate it.
That's why the whole story of Jesus needing to die on the cross so we could use His blood to escape hell is nonsensical. Hell didn't always exist, so it's as temporal as Earth. God didn't need to be born in order to save us from Himself. The true Creator's eternal life is enough as it is. It doesn't need to enter a field of limitation to create a sacrifice for Itself to avoid It from throwing us into hell. There is no weakness nor limitation to eternal life. It simply is.
Entry 2,021
I've already reached the heights of an inner nirvana, and once I did, I realized I didn't come here to be more divine. I came here to be more human. So I stopped reaching for the stars and instead began reaching into the depths of my humanness.
Entry 2,022
Their impulses were fueled by their past or present opinions about themselves or others.
Entry 2,023 - November 5th, 2023
The point of personalities is for them to be wielded like a sword—to be fashioned in the way that’s best for the person in that moment. They’re not supposed to stick to a person like glue, forcing them to act based on how they’ve acted in the past, but rather to adapt in the best way for the present moment.
But even the word best is arbitrary because, depending on how they choose to act, it will unlock new ways to explore the present moment within the confines and limitations of Earth life as a human. In truth, there is no "best" way, just multiple ways to experience life. Some may call their actions better, and some may call them worse, but they are simply ways.
Entry 2,024 - November 7th, 2023
Being a part of the Earth doesn't ruin my individuality; it gives me a framework to rest my individuality and experience it fully.
Being a part of my Oversoul doesn’t mean one day I will dissolve into nothing and cease to exist. Rather, it gives me the ability to express my individuality while coalescing with something greater than me, but also to experience myself individually. To be a part of the whole is a sacred experience. Both are paradoxically true at the same time. I am part of the Earth, and I am also fully Kyglo. I am part of the Oversoul, but I am also fully Kyglo.
Entry 2,025 - November 8th, 2023
What does it mean
When you locked eyes with me?
Two strangers in a stranger scene
We’re at a gym,
But at the same time, we looked within,
Peered deeper than the skin,
What does it mean?
Out of all the people... Why you?
Entry 2,027 - November 8th, 2023
A lot of times, the people who think they're talking to the Creator are really just in communion with their spirit guide or guardian angel. They don't realize the system and how it is set up.
Entry 2,028 - November 9th, 2023
Your beliefs about reality attract that type of reality.
Entry 2,029 - November 11th, 2023
I remember saying, for a while, that everything felt meaningless. I realized the reason I perceived it that way was because I was still disconnected from my emotions. Emotions are a channel of divine communication. They create a connection that is deeper than the surface level. They allow us to connect to one another in a way that shows we care about the other or reveals that we care more about ourselves and our own emotions than the emotions of others. But when both emotions are honored by both sides, the relationship deepens because emotions are used in the way they were intended—as a communication device to deepen relationships.
Entry 2,030 - November 11th, 2023
I love that I'll never be good enough for some people. I wouldn't want them to stay around trying to get me to be what they want me to be when I'm quite content being who I am.
People fall away all the time, while others come in to take their places. New places, new faces. I don't need them, and they don't need me. There's nothing to feel bad about. If anything, I feel genuine relief.
Entry 2,031 - November 11th, 2023
In the spiritual community, there's so much talk about healing the self so that you can heal the central nervous system. But I am both healed and broken. Let me be beautifully broken. Let me love my beautifully broken self.
For in my broken self, I find all these emotions that I've been afraid to feel. And I share these emotions with people who are also afraid to feel. And then we come together. Without these deep emotions, how would I connect deeply to others? These deep emotions that come from my beautifully broken self are the gateways to the deepest connection with others.
Entry 2,032 - November 12th, 2023
The Christian god demands obedience for blessings. The real Creator gives love and asks for nothing in return. Read The Law of One by Ra. They expose the deception.
Entry 2,033 - November 12th, 2023
I have a portion of my consciousness open, receptive, and available to inner knowledge that goes beyond the outer senses. It's like reaching into a bag for a prize, but the bag has no end. You can reach as deep, far, and wide as you want and pick something out unique and fun to share with others.
Entry 2,034 - November 12th, 2023
People who commit the most atrocious acts, in my opinion, are the ones who suppress their emotions the deepest—who disassociate from their truth the most—to the point that they act on behalf of evil rather than healing evil with love. Without allowing oneself to feel emotions such as love, evil becomes the only one expressed. Evil is a byproduct of repression and denial.
Entry 2,035 - November 13th, 2023
True fanatics of the Christian god are some of the creepiest people I have ever met. And by fanatics, I mean like my past self. They have those crazy eyes where you're not sure if they’re completely disassociated or fragmented from reality, but somehow they are still here in a physical body.
They give up their entire will and lay it at the feet of an invisible god that claims to be the Creator of the Universe. Even though they can’t see this god, they have to rely on knowing it is the Creator based on his behavior and actions.
And in the Bible, anyone approaching those texts with an inkling of skepticism would think twice before submitting blindly to a god that uses rape as an analogy for how he will destroy his own people for their disobedience. Or how he commands complete genocide of other nations instead of living with them in peace and harmony, using the excuse that they worship other gods for their impending death. Or how this Christian god gives unequal laws to men and women, where men are allowed to leave slavery, but women aren’t—commanded by supposedly “the Creator of the Universe.”
It’s so obviously not from the Creator of the Universe that all one has to do is find a time when this god’s ego is insecure, hurt, or rash. Then, one can rationalize that if the god one worships has this insecure of an ego, is he really the Creator of the Universe? Does the Creator of the Universe really need our obedience to his laws made centuries ago? Does he really need us to kill people? To take nations’ wives against their will? To treat women like cattle? To go into battle?
If the Creator really wanted the land, why wouldn’t it just take it itself? The reason is that it is not the true Creator of the world. It’s a fraudulent god.
It’s either a group of entities from another planet tying ignorant people to their extraterrestrial will, or it’s all in the minds of these men who wanted power, land, and concubines but didn’t want to take responsibility for the bloodshed and pain they would cause to get it.
But there is no way in hell you could ever convince me again that this insecure, rude, blood-thirsty, angry thing is the Creator of the Universe.
Entry 2,036 - November 14th, 2023
The way people label things has been the way people have justified genocide and atrocities for centuries. If "God said to kill them all," suddenly murder becomes justifiable to them. That is sickening.
Entry 2,037 - November 14th, 2023
When I was meditating, I was told there are two expectations: one that we have as humans and the other, a multidimensional one that appeals to one’s fullest self.
Entry 2,038 - November 15th, 2023
I think, in a way, everyone's life is their own religion. Personally, I believe it is better to create one’s own traditions, beliefs, and ideas that resonate most with them rather than follow someone else's ideas. Because if it's your own, then you really have to think about what you want. It's the difference between having a blank paper in front of you versus having a paper already filled with words.
A blank paper allows for so much creativity, artistry, connection, and exploration. There's so much you can put on that blank piece of paper—something that has never been done before, something unique to you. A religion, on the other hand, often contains centuries of words, pictures, and ideas coming from someone else's truth. That truth might be best for them but might not be best for you.
If everyone allowed themselves to sit alone with their thoughts, with who they are, with that blank paper, they could start creating something fresh and special to them. I think that type of religion is beautiful. They don't need other followers. Maybe their religion is their family. Maybe their religion is their music. It doesn't have to center around a person; it can center around an idea.
Entry 2,039 - November 18th, 2023
Based on my own experience, trying to exit the matrix is a trauma response to suffering.
Entry 2,040 - November 18th, 2023
Illnesses are clues about what you believe and what you do.
Entry 2,041 - November 18th, 2023
Fundamental and stringent versions of religion are for the weak.
Entry 2,042 - November 19th, 2023
Emotions aren’t the problem. It’s repressing them in a way that disconnects us from others, rather than experiencing them authentically to heal pain and strengthen connection.
It’s no fun to realize we’ve hurt another, but how much better it is to know we’ve hurt someone than to be left in the dark and never find out because those emotions were repressed.
The first choice opens the door to healing; the second door is never found because of repression.
Repression dampens connection. It chooses to keep to oneself rather than to share liberally.
Emotions are a gift to each person. They teach us what matters dearly to another. We learn what makes others laugh, cry, feel joy, or sadness. Each person is unique and special in their experience of emotions. It’s about time we honor the emotions in everyone.
Entry 2,043 - November 20th, 2023
This came into my mind earlier today: What if, because the Earth is already positively polarized and that is the path it has chosen—which continually weakens the negatively polarized people on it from gaining more negative power—they’ve introduced an alternate world (the digital world, which hasn’t chosen a particular polarity yet) to draw negative power toward them?
What if the digital world we all tap into is the main hold the negative forces still have over us? What if, when we disconnect from it, we become free and our entire lives improve dramatically?
I feel like many of us are juggling two realities: Earth reality and digital reality. Oftentimes, I think about how much more enjoyable life would be if we focused our attention on Earth reality. It’s not to say the digital world cannot be enjoyable, but rather, if we spent less time in it and more time in the reality we were physically born into—not digitally manipulated to reside within.
The Earth is our home. The digital world feels like a strange, different planet with different rules, different focal points, and different entertainment. It doesn’t feel like Mother Earth. It feels like a strange version of Mother Earth that isn’t Mother Earth. Kind of like a counterfeit. Like if you were to go to a store and hand someone a fake $50 bill to pay for your groceries. It’s a cop-out of the real thing.
You can’t be born into the digital world. You have to willingly implant some of yourself into it in order for it to have some sort of hold over you.
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