Entry 1,841-Entry 1,854
Entry 1,841
Journal Entry from November 26th, 2021
So, I normally don’t share my private meditation experiences, but I feel a strange pull to share this one, so I will. Not all meditations are the same, and this one was definitely out of the ordinary. Normally during meditation, I focus on my respiration or bodily sensations, but there are times when I go beyond. This was one of those times. This experience happened after listening to a session from Adyashanti’s course. Enjoy.
Adyashanti Session 3 Meditation – Wow!
Journal Entry from November 26th, 2021:
When I went deeper and deeper into the ground of being, all of a sudden, I saw myself standing at the edge of nothingness. Then I felt a hand from that nothingness grab me and pull me into this black void.
Once inside, I found myself amidst a higher version of myself, formless in the dark void. It was talking to me and jokingly asked, “Why do you look so surprised?” I was blown away. It felt like I was at the center of a place where a more adept and evolved version of myself resided.
I asked if I could pose some questions, and it said, “Sure, but no question you ask is a question you don’t already know. It’s all within.” I responded, “Well, aren’t you within?” It replied, “Good, you are catching on quickly.” I thought to myself how strange this connection was.
Then it said, “Just like past versions of you still exist in the now moment as separate identities but are connected through a fabric of oneness, so too are we connected in a similar way. They are no less themselves as they are one. The balance is evident in experience that goes beyond form but meets at crossroads within time.”
I also saw the necessary balance between pleasure and pain. The goal is to recognize that both teach essential lessons in balance. Too much pleasure eventually results in pain, and vice versa, but both are vital experiences on earth. Without one, contrast ceases to be our companion in exploration.
We were endowed with minds to learn through comparison and association, yet we are also beyond our minds to learn to transcend the duality of contrast. Both are crucial experiences of earth. Focusing solely on one leads to an imbalance and limits our exploration. We are here to explore both the limited and the limitless, not just one or the other.
Part of our limit was forgetting our true origin as the I Am. Part of our limitlessness is remembering our transcendence beyond the mind. One aspect learns to become so it can know; the other is in a state of constant expansion and transcendence, mystically unknowable.
The sweet spot is embracing duality with its delightful toys and trinkets while also harnessing the super-transcendent and powerful nature of the I Am within human form for further play.
The problem is that people fear both aspects, resulting in a fear of themselves in any comprehensible sense. To know oneself is to go beyond oneself. To transcend the limits of human incarnation is to begin re-integrating the aspect of yourself that got momentarily lost in the game.
Arise, valiant one! Remember thyself as Love and enjoy this incarnation, for you have barely yet begun.
Entry 1,842 - July 12th, 2022
My life is my Bible
My church is the Earth
The Kingdom of God is within
Only the kid can enter
Because the kid never left
Entry 1,843
“Your anger is like that. It becomes solid when you struggle with it, when there is a sense of needing it or needing to make it go away, or to do anything special with it. When you can simply allow it as a cloud passing through and let go of your struggle with it, then there is no need to react to it. Certain conditions prompt the anger to arise; it is noticed and it dissolves, and it goes its way. It is not the anger that is a problem, it is your reaction to the anger. That is what solidifies the anger.”
Excerpt From: Barbara Brodsky & Carla L. Rueckert. “The Aaron/Q'uo Dialogues.” North Atlantic Books, 2011-12-06. Apple Books.
“So how do you work with this? It is truly just a skill that may be developed, and it has two parts. One is noticing the arising of anger as quickly as you can, each time it comes, even beginning to notice the situations that may provoke anger and asking, I wonder if anger will arise next? And the second is noticing your reaction to the anger and asking, Is there judgment against it? Is there hatred of it? Or can I simply hold it, holding myself in my arms as I would mentally with that stubbed toe? Can I respond to this anger the way I would respond to a child who came inside crying and saying, “A bully pushed me down”? Would I tell that child, “Well, don’t be angry,” or would I more skillfully hold that child in my arms and say, “I see how angry you’re feeling,” and reassure it that it is still loved despite the anger, that the anger has nothing to do with its lovability or with its soul’s perfection?”
Excerpt From: Barbara Brodsky & Carla L. Rueckert. “The Aaron/Q'uo Dialogues.” North Atlantic Books, 2011-12-06. Apple Books.
Entry 1,844 - December 26th, 2021:
When I meditated, I thought about how if people were to travel at the speed of light, they would experience time at a slower rate, and how people on Earth would probably either look still or move very slowly in comparison.
Then I wondered if that could be correlated to how fast certain brains process information compared to others.
Perhaps certain brains move more slowly when processing, making time seem to work against them, while other brains process information at faster speeds, making time seem slower.
So perhaps by staying in a meditative state, one can remain the master of time instead of a slave to it, whereas in the past they may have constantly felt like they were trying to keep up with the events around them.
I also thought about how camera FPS (frames per second) correlates to the intensity of the present moment and how glorious it can appear to each individual.
Perhaps someone who isn’t truly present, because their mind is either stuck in the past or the future, is probably seeing the world similar to how a low-quality phone camera would—grainy and pixelated—versus someone who is fully present, who sees the world like a high-tech, expensive camera with incredible FPS.
Entry 1,845 - July 22nd, 2022:
Loophole of Mainstream Christian Doctrine
According to mainstream Christian theology, the angels were said to have a choice to either follow the devil or remain with God.
Those that fell became demons. Those that stayed remained angels for God.
But how would it be fair if we, who—according to that doctrine—are fallen, were given a chance for redemption after our fall from grace, while the angels who also fell were not?
Unfair doctrines reflect men, not God. Once you see them, you cannot un-see them because they’re so obvious it’s embarrassing. It’s like asking for help with a math problem, only to realize you knew how to do it—you just forgot to add a tiny negative sign toward the end.
It doesn’t make sense, and it’s not fair. There are soooo many loopholes in that faulty doctrine I cannot even count. Not to mention, Jews do not believe in that doctrine because it originated from paganism.
Entry 1,846 - September 23rd, 2022
All mental qualities, even particular talents, can be developed by deep affirmation. My guruji asked a well-known artist once how long it had taken him to master his art. “Twenty years,” the man replied. “You mean,” the Master inquired, “it took you twenty years to convince yourself you could paint?” Indignantly the man said: “I’d like to see you do as well in twice that length of time!” But in a week the Master had produced a painting which the artist himself had to admit was better than one he had done of the same subject.
Whatever you want to become, tell yourself strongly that you are that already. To reiterate, avoid as much as possible any influences that might suggest the opposite to your mind. (But do not reject them so strongly as to increase their importance for you. Rather, try simply to be indifferent to them.) Above all, shun the company of weak or negative people, for they will dilute the force of your own affirmations. If, through the force of bad habits, you cannot yet refrain from wrong actions, try to be at least mentally non-identified with them, and at the same time increase the vigor of your affirmations of positive qualities.
- Yogananda
Entry 1,847
“The moment you try to correct it, you are bringing disorder. But if you merely observe actually what is, then what is, is order.”
“It is only when you try to change “what is” that there is disorder; because you want to change according to the knowledge which you have acquired. That knowledge is the past and you are trying to change “what is”—which is not the past—according to what you have learnt. Therefore there is a contradiction, therefore there is a distortion, therefore this is disorder.
So during the day, if you are aware of the ways of your thoughts, your motives, the hypocrisy, the double-talk—doing one thing, saying another, thinking another—the mask that you put on, the varieties of deception that one has so readily to hand, if you are aware of all that during the day, you don’t have to take stock at all when you go to sleep, you are bringing order each minute.
So when you do go to sleep you will find that your brain cells, which have recorded and hold the past, become totally quiet, and your sleep then becomes something entirely different. When we use the word “mind”, we include in that the brain, the whole nervous organism, the affections, all the human structure; we mean”
“How is all that to be exposed?—and in the exposing of it, is each incident, each happening, each tradition, each hurt, each pain to be examined one by one? Or is it to be looked at totally? If it is to be examined bit by bit, one by one, you are entering into the world of analysis and there is no end to that, you will die analysing—and giving a great deal of money to those who analyse, if that’s your pleasure.”
“Look, Sirs, let’s make it much simpler than this. You say something to me which hurts me, and the pain of that hurt is recorded. The memory of that continues and when there is further pain, it is recorded again. So the hurt is being strengthened from childhood on. Whereas, if I observe it completely, when you say something which is painful to me, then it is not recorded as a hurt. The moment you record it as a hurt, that recording is continued and for the rest of your life you are being hurt, because you are adding to that hurt. Whereas to observe the pain completely without recording it, is to give your total attention at the moment of the pain. Are you doing all this?”
“If you understand this one radical principle, you will have understood something immense: that where there is an observer separating himself from the thing he observes, there must be conflict. Do what you will, as long as there is a division between the observer and the observed, there must be conflict. As long as there is division between the Muslim and the Hindu, between the Catholic and the Protestant, between the Black and the White, there must be conflict; you may tolerate each other, which is an intellectual covering of intolerance.”
“Conflict implies suppression, conformity, imitation, all that is involved in it. If you really see the beauty of this, that the observer is the observed, that the two are not separate, then you can observe the totality of consciousness without analysis. Then you see the whole content of it instantly.”
“We have given such tremendous importance to the thinker, haven’t we? We live by thought, we do things by thought, we plan our life by thought, our action is motivated by thought. And thought is worshipped throughout the world as the most extraordinarily important thing, which is part of the intellect.
And thought has separated itself as the thinker. The thinker says, “These thoughts are no good”, “These are better”, he says, “This ideal is better than that ideal”, “This belief is better than that belief”. It is all the product of thought—thought which has made itself separate, fragmented itself as the thinker, as the experiencer. Thought has separated itself as the higher self and the lower self—in India it is called the atman, the higher. Here you call it the soul, or this or that. But it is still thought in operation. That’s clear, isn’t it? I mean, this is logical, it is not irrational.”
“Thought is the response of the accumulated memory as knowledge, as experience—whether it is yours, or the inherited, the communal experience and so on. So thought is the response of the past, which may project itself into the future, going through the present, modifying it as the future. But it is still the past. So thought is never free—how can it be? It can imagine what is freedom, it can idealise what freedom should be, create a Utopia of freedom. But thought itself, in itself, is of the past and therefore it is not free, it is always old. Please, it is not a question of your agreeing with the speaker, it is a fact. Thought organises our life, based on the past. That thought, based on the past, projects what should be tomorrow and so there is conflict.”
“The very process of recording is knowledge, which is the past, and thought is the past. So thought, as pleasure, is sustained. If you have noticed, pleasure is always in the past; or the imagined pleasure of tomorrow is still the recollection projected into the future, from the past.”
- Awakening of Intelligence by J. Krishnamurti
Entry 1,848 - September 30th, 2022
I don’t know every every powers interconnected and somehow but I just imagine myself sending powerful ways of transformation progression and to Alana and I imagine looking inside of her brain and seeing all the synopsis correct in itself all the addiction leaving all the serotonin everything returning back to normal in a fresh start and I’m so excited to start screaming yeah baby hell yeah yeah.
- The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Derk Kolk
Entry 1,849 - October 2nd, 2022
Kristin Linklater said in her book Freeing the Natural Voice: "The impetus for sound is impulse, and the raw material is breath. That was super deep because I need to be able to allow sound a gateway through, unimpeded by my control. The talk about core consciousness reminds me to be present with my impulses but also to be aware of where they are coming from. Impulses triggered by past trauma are rooted in fear. Impulses that come from a place of unity and love are rooted in the present. The more present we are, the more we can convey the truth of this now moment, which will change the space in a beautiful way.
I also appreciate Kristin making the connection between the imagination invoked and the anatomy of breathing accurately engaged. When we were imagining the bubbles floating to the surface of our being, I felt the connection stimulating both the left and right hemispheres of my brain. It felt like it was creating a coherent breath throughout my body, not just from the chest. It was a great experience to practice that in class.
Entry 1,850 - October 9th, 2022
In the book Art of Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland, the authors say, “In large measure, becoming an artist consists of learning to accept yourself.” Applying this sentence to my own life, I can affirm its truthfulness. If you don’t accept yourself, how will you be able to accept your desire to create art? As they mention, “following your own voice, which makes your work distinctive” is what adds to the unique creativity that each person brings into this world. Being more aware of yourself allows you to create that which most closely aligns with your truth.
I appreciate how the authors highlight that “there’s generally no good reason why others should care about most of any artist’s work” because its fundamental goal is to teach us about ourselves and to appreciate who we are in this now moment. Technically, everyone is creating at every moment of their lives. So, if you try to create art that others want, you’re missing the point. Your first goal should be to create the art that you want, regardless of whether it becomes famous or not.
I agree with the last portion of the reading—that we should accept all the many paths to art-making. Regardless of whether we think it is good or bad art, it’s our art, and it shows us more about ourselves, which is gold upon gold.
Entry 1,851 - October 24th, 2022
If nuclear scientists were truly intelligent, they wouldn’t have created global nuclear weapons that contribute to the destruction of our entire planet.
Entry 1,852 - October 25th 2022
Matter is infinite, but not in the way many might assume.
Entry 1,853
True power doesn’t come from what hangs between your legs; true power comes from leading with love and respect.
Entry 1,854
Telling your followers that they should listen to you because you would never tell them to do something God wouldn’t want them to do is, in my opinion, one of the biggest signs of someone who is egoic.
To believe you are so one with God that you would never tell them something wrong—even while in human form, where we are expected to make mistakes and have successes—is a denial of present reality. It denies the fact that you are embodying duality, yet you claim absolute transcendence over making human error. In my opinion, this is not being realistic at all and can potentially harm those who follow your will blindly, since you apparently present yourself as more godly than them. Otherwise, why would you ask for such blind obedience?
What if we’ve been convinced that the left-hand path is the selfish path, but in actuality, it is the right-hand path? I ask this because, ironically, while many assume satanism is the less “godly” path, it actually advocates for self-freedom, self-will, and self-exploration without demoralizing or demonizing those exploring life. It doesn’t require one leader to be blindly followed against one’s will but advocates that each person act from the truth within—not from someone who supposedly claims to be closer to God or more self-realized than others.
Those right-hand religious paths with their clear-cut dogmas and moral codes are actually the more selfish and destructive paths because they cause people to distrust themselves and blindly follow the leader who claims to be closer to God. The same boring rhetoric plays over and over, where the leader is seen as more powerful, more united with God, and everyone in the group is told to attune to his vibrations. To me, that’s the more selfish path—convincing people they need to follow blindly, complacently, and always ask me before making a decision.
I wouldn’t want sheep following me. I want to create badass goats who trust themselves and their own unique paths.
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