Entry 1,761 - Entry 1,780
Entry 1,761 - January 17th 2021
Dialogue – Infallibility of the Bible
Christian: The Bible is infallible.
Guide: Do you know what infallible means?
Christian: Yeah, like it comes from God.
Guide: Don’t we come from God too?
Christian: No, like it’s spirit-breathed.
Guide: Right, and doesn’t Genesis 1:10 say that we are spirit-breathed also?
Christian: Okay, yes, but I mean it’s like perfect—it has no contradictions.
Guide: Okay, what are these, then?
Who incited David to count the fighting men of Israel?
- God did (2 Samuel 24:1)
- Satan did (1 Chronicles 21:1)
In that count, how many fighting men were found in Israel?
- Eight hundred thousand (2 Samuel 24:9)
- One million, one hundred thousand (1 Chronicles 21:5)
How many fighting men were found in Judah?
- Five hundred thousand (2 Samuel 24:9)
- Four hundred and seventy thousand (1 Chronicles 21:5)
God sent his prophet to threaten David with how many years of famine?
- Seven (2 Samuel 24:13)
- Three (1 Chronicles 21:12)
How old was Ahaziah when he began to rule over Jerusalem?
- Twenty-two (2 Kings 8:26)
- Forty-two (2 Chronicles 22:2)
How old was Jehoiachin when he became king of Jerusalem?
- Eighteen (2 Kings 24:8)
- Eight (2 Chronicles 36:9)
How long did he rule over Jerusalem?
- Three months (2 Kings 24:8)
- Three months and ten days (2 Chronicles 36:9)
The chief of the mighty men of David lifted up his spear and killed how many men at one time?
- Eight hundred (2 Samuel 23:8)
- Three hundred (1 Chronicles 11:11)
When did David bring the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem?
- After defeating the Philistines (2 Samuel 5 and 6)
- Before defeating the Philistines (1 Chronicles 13 and 14)
How many pairs of clean animals did God tell Noah to take into the Ark?
- Two (Genesis 6:19-20)
- Seven (Genesis 7:2). But despite this last instruction, only two pairs went into the Ark (Genesis 7:8-9)
When David defeated the King of Zobah, how many horsemen did he capture?
- One thousand and seven hundred (2 Samuel 8:4)
- Seven thousand (1 Chronicles 18:4)
How many stalls for horses did Solomon have?
- Forty thousand (1 Kings 4:26)
- Four thousand (2 Chronicles 9:25)
In what year of King Asa’s reign did Baasha, King of Israel, die?
- Twenty-sixth year (1 Kings 15:33 - 16:8)
- Still alive in the thirty-sixth year (2 Chronicles 16:1)
How many overseers did Solomon appoint for the work of building the temple?
- Three thousand six hundred (2 Chronicles 2:2)
- Three thousand three hundred (1 Kings 5:16)
Solomon built a facility containing how many baths?
- Two thousand (1 Kings 7:26)
- Over three thousand (2 Chronicles 4:5)
How did Simon Peter find out that Jesus was the Christ?
- By a revelation from heaven (Matthew 16:17)
- His brother Andrew told him (John 1:41)
Where did Jesus first meet Simon Peter and Andrew?
- By the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 4:18-22)
- On the banks of the River Jordan (John 1:42). After that, Jesus decided to go to Galilee (John 1:43)
When Jesus met Jairus, was Jairus’ daughter already dead?
- Yes. Matthew 9:18 quotes him as saying, “My daughter has just died.”
- No. Mark 5:23 quotes him as saying, “My little daughter is at the point of death.”
Did Jesus allow his disciples to keep a staff on their journey?
- Yes (Mark 6:8)
- No (Matthew 10:9; Luke 9:3)
Did Herod think that Jesus was John the Baptist?
- Yes (Matthew 14:2; Mark 6:16)
- No (Luke 9:9)
Did John the Baptist recognize Jesus before his baptism?
- Yes (Matthew 3:13-14)
- No (John 1:32-33)
Did John the Baptist recognize Jesus after his baptism?
- Yes (John 1:32-33)
- No (Matthew 11:2)
Christian: Well, I don’t know! I’ve never looked for contradictions!
Guide: So that’s probably why you haven’t seen them.
Christian: So what good does this do for me, believing that the Bible is fallible?
Guide: It saves you from a lot of fear, guilt, shame, and unnecessary shoulds and shouldn’ts.
Christian: So what would I do then?
Guide: You tell me. Write your own path. Find your own truth. Take your own special journey with Jesus. Stop relying on other people’s experiences, similar to how people rely on movies for adventures.
Christian: Okay, I’ll try that out. Thanks.
Entry 1,762 - January 17th, 2021
Christian: But even Jesus talked about Satan—how could you say he’s not real?!
Guide: Do you know what a reference point is?
Christian: Um, yeah, it’s like a definition, right?
Guide: That’s a cool perspective, yes, and it also can mean something you can relate to in a conversation so the other person isn’t completely lost.
Christian: So what would be an example in our day and age?
Guide: Well, let’s say there’s someone who has never seen an apple before...
Christian: Alright...
Guide: But they have eaten a pear before.
Christian: Oh, so you could use the pear as a reference point to help them understand the apple?
Guide: Yes! Reference points are terms, ideas, and concepts that people are aware of so they can better understand what others are trying to say.
Christian: Exactly!
Guide: So you’re saying that Jesus used words like Satan, sin, and demons as reference points to higher truths to move them out of duality and into oneness?
Christian: Exactly.
Entry 1,763 - January 17th, 2021
Christian: What’s your case for reincarnation?
Guide: What do you mean?
Christian: Like, do you believe in it?
Guide: I believe in the quantum physics principle that all time is Now, and that the linear perception of time is truly an illusion.
Christian: So you’re saying if we did have a past life or a future life, they are all technically in the Now? What does that even mean?
Guide: Our brain processes things as past, present, and future because that’s how it was created to function in regard to perceiving consciousness.
Christian: Could you give an example I could grasp?
Guide: From your brain’s perception, baby you no longer exists, and 50-year-old you doesn’t yet exist because your physical senses do not perceive yourself as a baby or a 50-year-old. But from a quantum physics perspective, baby you, 50-year-old you, and current you are all existing in this present moment.
Christian: So you’re saying that consciousness is limited by the physical senses of our brain because it was set up to focus on this particular reality, which seems to be linear but truly is one?
Guide: Exactly. So, similar to past and future ages existing all in the Now, past and future incarnations also all exist in the Now, however with potentially new areas of experience.
Christian: So if that were the case, it totally would make sense.
Guide: If that’s what you believe, so be it.
Entry 1,764
Christian: Past and future incarnations are not supported by the Bible.
Guide: It is actually a basic principle within Judaism.
Christian: No way.
Guide: Also, if you search the Kabbalah, there are many references, and also within the Bible. One of the earliest of these can be found in Sefer HaBahir, “The Book of Brightness."
Christian: But surely Jesus didn’t say anything about reincarnation.
Guide: Jesus said, “If you can accept it, John the Baptist is Elijah who is to come; it is he.” That is an obvious form of past incarnation.
Christian: Alright, but that was one occurrence, and technically Elijah never died.
Guide: You’re right, and technically none of us truly die because death just represents a transfer from one dimensional reality to another.
Christian: Okay, well what’s another reason…?
Guide: You believe God is fair, right?
Christian: Well, of course…
Guide: So then how would it be fair for one person to only get one life in the middle of the desert who passes away shortly after birth due to starvation, and another one gets to live as a daughter to a King, fully cared for?
Christian: I mean, I don’t know—God’s ways are higher than ours.
Guide: Yes, but grasping God as fair is something your brain can handle.
Christian: So how do you know it’s not fair?
Guide: Are both those existences equal in experience?
Christian: No…
Guide: Then past and future incarnations make sense.
Entry 1,765
Person: I want to talk to my spirit guides… How do I do that?
Guide: Do you know if your vibration is mainly love and light?
Person: I don't know for sure. How can I tell?
Guide: Well, let’s do a little self-inquiry… Do you hate or dislike certain people?
Person: I mean, some but not a lot…
Guide: Do you often find yourself as the victim, where people are responsible for hurting you?
Person: Well, yes, because they are!
Guide: Do you find yourself negatively judging people for their wrongdoings?
Person: I mean, yes, but that’s because if someone is wrong, they are wrong, LOL.
Guide: Do you see duality in your life?
Person: What does that mean?
Guide: I would encourage you to focus on infusing your vibrations with love and light through shadow work (look into Carl Jung), meditation, and journaling before connecting to your personal team on the other side.
Person: Why is that?
Guide: Because like attracts like, and if you still hate people, you’re going to attract spirits that hate people and so forth, who will try to trick you into believing they’re your spirit guides.
Person: But I want to work with someone!
Guide: Then work in a religious, spiritual, or counseling group.
Person: But how do I know if I’m not being tricked by them?
Guide: Follow your heart above all. If you do join a group, and what these groups teach is according to love, keep it. If not, don’t take it in.
Entry 1,766 - January 18th, 2021
Some call it hopping on a timeline,
Others call it a bleed-through,
But there are times where I see myself as a future dude.
I’ll be driving and minding my own business,
Watching the GPS, going along with my mission,
When all of a sudden, I see myself in a dim room with a dark mirror,
Looking into my eyes at the man that appears.
Someone who seems distant but also so close,
Almost like a rib of my own but molded from that which I desire most.
The hand on the mirror, a look of courage and trust in the person he is
This man looks back at himself and all that he is
A man so true to himself, he sees no other selves.
Maybe that’s why they call it a bleed-through,
Because it does something more than simply teach you.
Almost like your Higher Self allows you to see
Everything deep down you wish you could always be.
And by seeing this probable future timeline, it gives you the hope you didn’t know you needed
And causes you to see that your journey is far from completed.
You come back to yourself, sitting in your car,
Wishing it would stay hidden, trying to tear it apart.
A knowing so deep, a hatred that it still exists,
Realizing the road to a lower path is trying to forget my truth, which always persists.
So do I step on the path—the path of major change?
Or do I step off and continue in this less-than-appreciated form I inhabit and wallow and wane?
I guess the choice is mine to make.
At times I think, why was I so outrageous, for God’s sake?
I couldn’t be content with my gender at all.
Instead, I had to choose the chameleon life of desiring the other, with no reassurance of the call.
Or maybe this poem is my call to action,
Because as I sit here and write this, it’s as if my hands know more than my own reaction,
Like my body has been in anticipation of this dramatic change before I beat it down with repression.
Perhaps this is exactly what I’m supposed to do.
So the question remains—will I do it, or will myself I lose?
Entry 1,767 - January 18th, 2021
Christian: Tarot is of the devil!!!
Guide: Why?
Christian: Because it’s a form of divination, and it’s not in the Bible.
Guide: So you’re saying the Bible never mentions any of God’s followers using any type of divination?
Christian: Of course not…
Guide: Didn’t the Jews cast lots to seek God’s knowledge on a specific question?
Christian: Yeah, but that’s different…
Guide: How? Please do tell.
Christian: Well, they were like using dice or some type of small object, and tarot uses cards!!
Guide: Okay, so are they not the same thing, just different objects?
Christian: No, but when they cast lots, people were talking to God. With your cards, you talk to demons!
Guide: Well, that’s a pretty big claim—where’s your evidence?
Christian: I don’t have any, I just know it’s wrong.
Guide: Well, what if I told you that regardless of the object used to try to talk to God, you could determine the efficacy of the response by your vibration?
Christian: What does that mean?
Guide: Well, if you steal, kill, and hate people, but you try asking God a question with either lots or cards, do you think you’ll be contacting God or something else on your same vibration?
Christian: I mean, I guess the second one.
Guide: So similarly, whether it’s cards or lots, if I am here to spread love and light, and my fruits are love, joy, peace, kindness, and so on, wouldn’t I be in contact with that which resonates with my same vibration?
Christian: I mean, I guess?
Guide: So I could say the same thing about casting lots in the Bible. I have no evidence, but I’ll assume it’s wrong.
Christian: Well, you can’t—
Entry 1,768 - January 19th, 2021
Christian: Like what are you… a h0m0???
Kyglo: I haven’t chosen a label for my sexuality yet…
Christian: So, like, are you trans? That would be so weird…
Kyglo: I am still exploring right now…
Christian: What does that even mean?
Kyglo: Well, just how you are more than your thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and so forth, I see gender and sexuality as aspects I can explore freely until I find what resonates the most.
Christian: Oh, so you think you’re better than straight people?
Kyglo: Why would I think I’m better when I never created division between me and straight people?
Christian: But you’re open, so that makes you different.
Kyglo: How is being inclusive considered different? That’s like saying all plants are different than trees. Can I ask you a question?
Christian: I guess.
Kyglo: Why does it make you uncomfortable that I'm open and exploring?
Christian: Uh, I don’t know.
Kyglo: Is it perhaps because you’re so used to using labels to negatively judge people in order to make yourself feel better about your own limits you’ve imprisoned yourself within?
Christian: I don’t want to be like that.
Kyglo: Then celebrate the freedom of your being and the freedom of others. Over time, it’ll get easier… I promise.
Christian: Okay, I’ll try. Thank you.
Entry 1,768 - January 21st, 2021
The Unborn Argument
Christian: It’s horrible to abort a baby, no matter how many weeks, because you don't give it a chance!
Guide: Well, if you see life in a linear and limited way, then yes, it could seem very horrible and frightening.
Christian: What do you mean, see life in a linear and limited way?
Guide: Well, the belief system that we only have one life and then must go to a destination for eternity—which also doesn’t make sense in terms of using the word "eternity" because that would mean you were always there—makes it seem unfair.
Christian: Yes, these people are being unfair by taking their baby’s life against its will!
Guide: Well, see, it’s one thing to assume people are unfair, but do you believe God is unfair?
Christian: Well, of course not!
Guide: So then the spirit inhabiting the baby will get another chance.
Christian: Why do you say it like that?
Guide: Because we are more than these temporary earth suits we inhabit. It’s not an issue for a spirit to find another earth suit to inhabit.
Christian: You make it sound like it has more control than it does.
Guide: Well, why wouldn’t it? The spirit came here to learn and fully realize its true nature, not become born into a victim mindset and leave with a victim mindset.
Christian: So you’re saying the spirit has the ability to choose other earth suits???
Entry 1,769 – Abortions
Christian: Someone who “forfeits” a baby is going to hell.
Guide: What makes you say that?
Christian: Because they’re taking a baby’s right away from living a life on earth!
Guide: But are they?
Christian: Yeah!
Guide: Is it because, in your belief system, there is only one chance to live on earth, and if you don’t get it, you lose that opportunity?
Christian: Well, yeah.
Guide: Why do you think we are born into this world?
Christian: Well, I believe it’s to have a personal relationship with God.
Guide: What would be another valid reason?
Christian: I mean, I guess to experience what it’s like to have a physical body.
Guide: Alright, so to experience All That Is as much as we can, right?
Christian: Right.
Guide: So would we realistically experience All That Is in just one incarnation?
Christian: I mean, maybe not.
Guide: So if we want to explore our relationship with All That Is, why would we limit ourselves to just one incarnation?
Christian: I don’t know.
Guide: Do you think maybe, since we are more than our bodies, the spirit could still incarnate into a new baby’s body?
Christian: I guess…
Guide: And do you think the spirit can choose to experience the death process or choose to transcend that experience?
Christian: Everything must die.
Guide: So you believe the spirit is shackled to that body in the womb and only free through death?
Christian: I mean, "shackled" makes it seem like the body is stronger than the spirit, so maybe not…
Guide: Right! So how could we assume that the spirit is hurt when, as a spirit, it can transcend the body whenever it would like, just as you and I can?
Christian: I never thought about it like that… Maybe Cindy won’t go to hell after all.
Entry 1,770 - Januar 24th, 2021
Christian: Oh, so you’re saying their perception of the Creator is directly related to the frequency that they’re vibrating at? I just get so triggered when people say they love Krishna or Buddha and so on!
Guide: Why?
Christian: Because in my belief system, those are the bad guys!
Guide: But what if, in their belief system, they are the good guys?
Christian: Then that’s messed up!
Guide: I have a question.
Christian: Sure, what…?
Guide: Let’s say there are two people from different nations, and they look at the moon but call it different names. Is it still the moon?
Christian: Uh, yeah, they’re just using different names.
Guide: So let’s say there are two people who believe in a loving and gentle Creator, but one calls it “God” and the other one calls it “Brahman.” Do they follow the same Creator?
Christian: Well, I mean, I guess if they both recognize the True Creator, it wouldn’t matter what name they gave to it because it is so much more than a label.
Guide: Right, and their perception of the Creator would not only be influenced by labels, beliefs, and ideas but also by the inward capacity to relate to an infinite Source of oneness.
Christian: So, in short, you mean our perception of the Creator is dictated by the frequency we’re vibing at?
Guide: Right. If one holds much love and light in their vibrations, that’s how they will view the Creator.
Christian: Oh, and if they hold less love and more illusions in their vibrations, they will view the Creator how they view themselves, mainly in fear and other illusions?
Guide: Exactly.
Christian: Yay.
Christian: Right. Some in religion may view the Creator as needing blood for recompense of sins and then outright judge people who follow a God who demands the same from them.
Guide: So, love and light through service to self and others means they probably are on similar paths.
Christian: Exactly, and service to self is another path, but both are valid because eventually both roads become one.
I love all religions, but I mainly vibe with the mystical and non-violent parts of religions that don’t advocate the killing of people or animals.
The Jews, the Sufi Muslims, the Sikhist Hindus, the...
Entry 1,771 - February 18th, 2021
If God truly did die on the cross, then that would mean everything else died with God, because without God, there is nothing. Without the Source, there is no substance.
So, to say God died is to say everything ceased to exist, and that doesn't make any sense. However, if Jesus was some sort of incarnation or part of God but not the whole of God, it could work—but a part is different from the whole. My arm is a part of me, but it isn't fully me.
When you talk to me, you look at my eyes and engage with my facial expressions. You don't stare at my arm and talk to it. So, to say that the arm is fully me is blasphemous because we know it isn't fully me. Just as the eyes are the window to the soul, the whole is more than the parts of a whole.
To say a part of God died is still strange. It's not strange to say my arm is gone and not part of me and for me to still function, but how can a part of God die when God cannot be mixed with sin? Death means sin, and to assume sin became a part of God is to go against everything He is.
So, did God, our Creator, die on the cross?
Unless sinless death was the sacrifice for all—but how could one die a sinless death when sin is death?
Entry 1,772 - January 28th, 2021
Guide: Do you believe we are all one?
Christian: Yes, but to a degree…
Guide: What does that mean?
Christian: I believe there is some separation, like saved and unsaved.
Guide: So you believe separation is eternal?
Christian: Well, obviously.
Guide: As in separation doesn’t have a beginning or an end? As in, separation is God?
Christian: No, not at all! God is oneness.
Guide: So why would you say God is oneness but then, right after that, give separation God’s attributes by saying it’s eternal with no beginning nor end? Essentially, you’re saying separation is God because God is eternal.
Christian: Oh, nvm. I guess I meant it happened at a certain time and place.
Guide: Okay, so you do consider separation temporary?
Christian: Yeah, I guess so.
Guide: So then why do you consider separation temporary but then someone being saved or unsaved eternal?
Christian: Well, I guess that doesn’t really make sense then…
Guide: I mean, you tell me.
Entry 1,773
Christian: But Jesus needed to die for our sins or else we’ll all go to hell for eternity!
Guide: Why would Jesus need to die to abolish our sins when both death and sin are already temporary?
Christian: Well, we may die once, but sin is definitely not temporary…
Guide: So sin is eternal?
Christian: I mean, I was told by my church that sin will go on and on until there is a sacrifice.
Guide: So if sin had no beginning or end, the Adam and Eve story is baseless because by stating sin is eternal, you’re saying it always existed and therefore didn’t happen at a specific time and place in the Garden of Eden.
Christian: Okay, maybe it’s not eternal, but it still can determine if we go to heaven or hell for eternity.
Guide: But how? If something is temporary, how does hell translate to an eternal destination if you aren’t currently there? In order for it to be an eternal destination, you would’ve had to always be there, currently be there, and always will be there.
Christian: So you’re saying someone can’t be thrown into hell—they’d have to be there always, with no beginning or end, because that’s the nature of eternity?
Guide: Exactly. Many Christians treat eternity like a ray segment where it starts at a specific time and place and then continues onwards to infinity when, scientifically, that is not how eternity works at all.
Christian: But it’s in the Bible, so that’s why people talk about eternity so much!
Guide: Just because they talk about something doesn’t mean they understand the nature of that which they are talking about.
Christian: Okay, let me just get this straight… This whole ‘thrown into hell for eternity’ doctrine can be debunked just by learning the scientific properties of eternity?
Guide: You might be onto something…
Christian: Well, if Christianity fell into utilizing fear, guilt, and shame, how did that happen and how is it so powerful?
Guide: Study the religion and you’ll see why. When they declared their creeds and decided which doctrine was right and which was wrong, they entered a deep state of duality.
Christian: Is that when they started k!lling people who didn’t believe exactly how they believed?
Guide: Yes. When beliefs morphed into dogma and creeds became indoctrination, they entered a deeper dream of illusions and felt like they must attack and kill those who didn’t agree, which included other priests and followers of God.
Christian: Oh, so like the Sack of Constantinople, when the Catholics went in and murdered the Orthodox Christians because they didn’t believe how they believed?
Guide: Exactly.
Christian: And how the Pope said they were ordered by God to kill heretics and other people from other religions that didn’t believe how they did?
Guide: Sadly, yes.
Christian: But that’s so messed up! How did they get away with it?
Guide: Power… They utilized fear, guilt, and shame to keep people submissive to their agenda. There was still love and light at various periods, but duality steered them towards weaponizing God based on beliefs.
Entry 1,774 - February 3rd, 2021
Christian: Repent and believe in Jesus, or you’ll go to hell.
Guide: Says who?
Christian: Says the Bible.
Guide: But when I ask different Christians, they give me different answers, and they say their opinions are also from the Bible.
Christian: Then their doctrine is wrong.
Guide: How would you know yours is right?
Christian: Because the Bible says so!
Guide: But they also say the Bible says their doctrine is right.
Christian: Well, I don’t know what to tell them.
Guide: What if it’s not about right doctrines vs wrong doctrines but about experiencing life?
Christian: What does that mean?
Guide: Let’s say someone told you not to drink milk because it’s bad.
Christian: I would say that’s a stupid doctrine because milk is great.
Guide: But for someone who is lactose intolerant, it might not be great.
Christian: Okay, so you’re saying, just like milk being good is subjective, doctrines being good is also subjective?
Guide: Well, you tell me. Should we follow the laws in Leviticus?
Christian: No.
Guide: Or should we follow the decree of the Pope in the 15th century to murder unbelievers and heretics?
Christian: Um, no.
Guide: Then yes, doctrine is subjective.
Christian: So which one is right?
Guide: Maybe the better question is—which one do I want to experience?
Entry 1,775 - February 17th, 2021
Different Ways You Can Celebrate Black History Month
- Write a letter to your Black friends, expressing your appreciation for their friendship.
- Support Black-owned businesses and restaurants throughout the month.
- Donate to Black-owned charity organizations that support and fight for equal rights.
- Tell your friends and family about the significance of Black History Month.
Entry 1,776 - February 19th, 2021
Kyglo: You create your own reality.
Christian: How do you know?
Kyglo: Do you know the quantum physics principle that the observer and the observed are the same?
Christian: No, what does that mean?
Kyglo: When you focus your attention on an area, quanta particles will pop up.
Christian: Okay…
Kyglo: You are a culmination of quanta particles, so this quantum physics principle applies to you as well.
Entry 1,777 - March 10th, 2021
I knew ever since I could basically conceptualize the idea of gender and how I didn't fit into the gender I was assigned—so around four or five years old or so. Later on in my life, I went through some stuff that ended up making me a people-pleaser in order to protect myself but later realized that no matter how hard I tried, I was still vulnerable to adults masquerading physical abuse as "righteous punishment" and was still scared to find myself.
As a child, it's really hard to express your truth when you're afraid of how others will react, so I just kept it to myself. I repressed it so far down that, for a good while, I lost who I truly was in order to make other people happy and comfortable. I ended up becoming miserable, extremely anxious, and sad but couldn't put my finger on why. Now I realize the issue was that I didn't accept myself as a trans man and tried to hide from the truth and pretend to be someone I wasn't.
I ended up going through a tough jaw surgery that forced me to recover and tear off this false image I wore to please others. I couldn't dress up "girly" anymore because I could barely get out of bed and get my work done. I ended up seeing the real me shine through during my recovery.
I went through another low dip where I was thinking about dying in a weird way, not necessarily suicidal but envisioning what would be said at my funeral. And that's when I started fighting for my true self. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want to leave this world miserable. A counselor advised me to start meditating, and so I did.
My first goal was to meditate so that I would no longer have panic attacks or anxiety. At that time, I still didn't know what was triggering them until finally, after seven months of meditation and contemplation, I found that the source of my anxiety was that I was truly a man, and I had repressed it for so many years of my life.
I still tried hard to be non-binary when I found out because I didn't want to go through any more surgeries and going on hormones scared me, but non-binary still didn't feel right.
I couldn't stand my body parts and knew that, even though I tried convincing myself I was okay with them, that wasn't the truth, and I was done lying to myself. When I finally accepted myself as a transgemder man and asked my doctor to start me on hormones, my whole life did a complete 180.
I am so incredibly happy, haven't had a panic attack in years, and I am now in a place where I can help other trans men accept themselves. I feel honored to be where I'm at—25 years old and almost one month on Hormone Replacement Therapy!
Entry 1,778 - March 22nd, 2021
I’ll give you a short list of some things I’ve manifested to show that conscious manifestation is real and does work. We do create our reality, whether it’s unconscious or conscious:
- I wanted my own room in San Diego that I could still afford: My manager hooked me up with a single room in SD for $745.
- I won over $1500 worth of stuff and money on a game show.
- I wanted to live in a brand-new home: My parents built a brand-new million-dollar home.
- I wanted a Full Stack Web Dev job that would pay me a high enough salary to pay off my student debt in less than a year, and now I work as a Full Stack Web Dev for a Fortune 500 company.
- I wanted a Volkswagen Jetta: Someone hit my old car, and their insurance gave me $4k to buy a 2016 Volkswagen Jetta.
- I said if my butterfly TikTok got 4 million views, I’d chop off all my hair—and now my hair is chopped.
Entry 1,779 - April 3rd, 2021
Transitioning from Female to Male
People often talk about how hard it is for family members or friends to accept the transition because they feel like they’re losing an older image of the person they loved. But do you ever think about how extremely tough it is for the person who decides to transition?
How they have to individually push through every fear that stands between them and their new body? All the worries, all the societal norms of being a woman that they are leaving behind? Breaking years and years of social conditioning about what you need to look like in order to be considered pretty and accepted by women?
Do you know how hard it is to break these social conditionings and, on top of that, deal with all the bullshit religious conditioning we have to push through—like being told we’re going to hell or that we’re evil for being horny or masturbating? All that shit? Yeah, we have to break through each of these fears, and that’s not even half of it.
Entry 1,780 - April 3rd, 2021
Osho talks about how, when you move away from your identity or a self-image you find comfort in, it can be hard to let go because it’s stationary, comfortable, and predictable.
But when you get comfortable with changing, rearranging, transitioning, and moving beyond what you consider safe, you learn to no longer fear growth in a new direction. You welcome it. You accept it. Yes, at times it’s scary, hard, and unknown, but it’s an extremely beneficial training ground for embracing all things new—the ever-new version of you, replacing the old and predictable aspects of yourself that you were once too afraid to transform and change.
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