Entry 402 - Balance vs Imbalance in Conversations

12/23/20

You either experience balance or imbalance, a healthy distance and closeness or an obsession with closeness. A respect for boundaries, or constantly pushing boundaries.

Expressions of balance in any relationship, whether it be with family members, friends, or significant others, stem from the realization of abundance within both people. You both have mutual respect when you are together and mutual respect when you’re apart. When someone is opening up to you, you listen attentively, keeping the focus of your responses on them. 

When someone is talking about something in their life, you don’t try to shift the conversation to your life. You listen fully, ask questions, and remain engaged in what they have to say out of respect for the fact that they are speaking and hoping you are listening. 

Then the same is granted back to you when they are done. You don’t force the "baton of attention" by taking it from them; you allow them to hand it off to you when they’re ready by starting to ask you questions.

Imbalance and obsession in relationships occur when you come from a place of lack and need. You feel like your relationships aren’t fulfilled. You feel like you have to constantly reach out to people, and they never reach out to you first. You experience a constant sense of lack in some way, whether in family, friendships, or significant other relationships, which leads you to talk about it repeatedly in an obsessive way. 

Lack creates obsession, just as hunger creates famine. You desire to talk more about your problems than to retain the balance in the relationship. By doing this, you drain others, because they expect nothing less than for you to control the conversation with your obsessions rooted in lack, rather than focusing on retaining the balance sourced in abundance.