Entry 36 - Lesson on Perfect Peace

7/17/19

These past few weeks have been the best weeks of my life. Truly though. Not because of what has happened outside of me, but what has been happening inside of me. For so much of my life, anxiety was an easy trap to fall into. Because of fear, I would take supplements because I was worried about not getting the proper nutrients. I had some pretty bad panic attacks after going to the doctor and a lot of my previous semester, I spent many days at the doctor's not because something was wrong, but because my anxiety about maybe something being wrong was so bad. There was a point where they had to give me a steroid shot to open my throat because my anxiety was so intense it felt like my throat was closing, and that gave me more anxiety.

There was even a point where a doctor gave me anti-anxiety meds, and that night I took them was the first night I've ever had suicidal thoughts. I was a mess because of my anxiety, and it crippled everything in my life. I even suffered post surgery trauma to the point where something so simple like seeing water in a little bottle would trigger the memory of the surgery, and I'd see it so clearly in my head that I'd break down in uncontrollable tears.

But recently, as I've spent much time in prayer, meditation, reading books such as the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and focusing more on being in the present, I feel like I've finally found the secret to what I've been looking for so many years for. Liberation from the thoughts which gave rise to anxiety and stress. I feel like I've identified for the first in my life the source of the anxiety and how it was creeping in, and have now found the ways in which to shut it down completely.

I now have been living my life in perfect, unexplainable, divine peace. One co-worker has told me I seem  'spiritually free' and I've been in constant shock of how I've been attracting the most positive people, moments, etc. and letting go of all that which hinders that. I realized this peace is available, and it can be accessed by everyone. A little guidance to finding how has dramatically changed my whole entire life. Biblical principles about peace are finally starting to click, and I cannot help but thank God for helping me realize this. I no longer have chronic anxious thoughts that control me constantly, and instead I find perfect peace whenever I stay present in the Now.

It's truly already within, it just needs to be found and kept. The secret is being present, being so focused on the Now, the presence of being, and being in that moment of now. Prayer, meditation, silence are all ways to help you remain in this state and release yourself from the mind that wanders into the past and finds things to worry about in the future. I feel this amazing peace in every part of my body, and it's truly beyond comprehension. The peace I've found is peace I cannot explain, and honestly I don't believe it was meant to be explained, but rather meant to be experienced. I hope, as Jesus says, you find the truth and the truth will also set you free.