Entry 145 - I Struggled For Years With This

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12/18/19

Years ago I did not understand because I was highly unconscious. I was always a Christian, but I never felt fulfilled. I kept on trying to find my identity, happiness, purpose outside of me rather than within. 

Even with my relationship with God, I felt like I needed to identify with a Christian group that was serious about what they sought after, but felt like I couldn't find one. 

I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, but I just knew I wanted to fill that gaping hole of emptiness with a religious group that would help define me and help increase my relationship with God... That was my first mistake... Trying to find something outside of me to fill these perceived holes. 

Secondly, trying to have an outside group define my relationship with God was another issue. I was failing to see everything needed to be found within. I needed to work on being connected with Being. To enter into God's presence, which is in the present. 

That the way to enlightenment was through this process of Being one with Being. The end of suffering is enlightenment, and that is through going within, not by making the things of this world our identity as a facade for who we are.

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