Entry 91 - Manipulative and Controlling Friends

9/21/19

Here's the reality. There are people out in the world who manipulatively control other people in their life for their own personal gain. The type of control I'm talking about is where they constantly make you mold your decisions, actions, etc. to fit their desires and if you don't, you feel miserable, scared or worried that the friendship might end. I call it manipulative control because they manipulate people in order for them to remain in control and at center in the friendship.

If you are a friend who is the one being controlled, many times you would know. You would constantly be in situations where you first cater for their needs, you do what's best for them even when it hurts you or doesn't make you happy, they threaten you in some way if you don't do what they want you to do, and you feel at times very fearful that this person might leave you if you don't do what they want you to do.

In situations like this, you've pretty much become a puppet, and they have you by the strings. You try to convince yourself that you're free, but you know very well who is in control and who has the final word. You found yourself in this position, maybe not at first noticing it like this, but over time you realized that this is a genuine problem.

You're faced with two paths when you find yourself in the hands of a person who willingly manipulatively controls you. Either A) you choose to stay as their friend dealing with being treated as a puppet for the rest of your friendship or B) you have some self-respect and leave the toxic friendship behind.

A friendship should be built on freedom, not manipulation. You should be free to be who you are, say what you want to say, do what's best for you, and not be constantly in a state of fear that what's best for you will compromise your friendship with the other person. If this is the case, you need to get the heck out of there.

I know it may be hard because you have so many genuinely good memories with this person, but is this the type of lifestyle you want to live where you're constantly insecure that your 'friend' will be mad at you for not doing what they want you to do? If you end up leaving, you could not only end up helping yourself, but perhaps even wake up your 'friend' and help them realize it is never okay to manipulatively control others in friendships. 

Then hopefully they'll realize how they lost a gem of a friend like you and try to change their behavior so they don't hurt other people in the future. I know it's hard, but sometimes the hardest choices we make to protect ourselves are the best choices. I one hundred percent believe God will replace that unstable, not good friendship with an even better one, but you have to make the choice to get out of there so He can give you that new person.

Remember, at the end of the day, it's never a bad idea to do what's best for you. It's the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself, but no one else can make that choice for you. So if you're going to stick up for yourself, you have to move on. But if not, then that's your choice. I only hope for the best for you.