Entry 79 - Different Types of Friends

9/12/19

Lifelong Friends: They've been in your life for a while, and throughout the years you may not have seen them every day, but as the years go by your friendship has strengthened. You know they care about you, and you care about them. You both are invested in each other's lives and root for the other person's successes.

In & Out friends: These types of friends are people who are with you for a reason that benefits them. Your friendship hinges on whatever they need from you at that moment in their life, and they will leave you when you no longer serve them any purpose. They may deceptively treat you like a lifelong friend, but then crank a fast one and then treat you like a seasonal friend. They come to you only when it's most convenient for them and oftentimes they seem genuine when they say they care about you, but their actions tend to say the opposite. These friendships are completely transactional in their nature. They mainly, if only, care about how you can benefit them or enhance their life, and every once in a while do try to repay you transactionally in some way when they realize they should probably do that, so you stick around. They play with people and lead them to think they're lifelong friends, but over and over 'friend-ghost' them and leave the other friend confused as to if they even cared about them in the first place. Do not waste your time with these 'friends', I repeat, do not waste your time. If you have to see them every day, then keep a respectful distance but don't let them into your inner circle. People should earn that right, they shouldn't just be able to walk in, and walk all over you and walk out like it's nothing.  It's not worth the confusion, investment, and your time and energy just to realize they never really cared about you as much as you thought they did.

Seasonal Friends: They also tend to be temporary, but most of the time are known by both parties to be as such. This type of friendship comes about because it benefits each person in some way, shape or form. These friendships tend to stay confined to the area of where you met and do not go beyond that. Maybe you met them in Calculus, and they seem like a decent person, and you study with them, but you wouldn't necessarily bring them into the next season of your life. It doesn't mean they're a bad person or you're a bad person, you just have limited time, energy, and you are already trying to take care of the friendships you've had for a while. These friendships can be tricky because when you start studying and seeing this person every day in class and so on, they might start to have expectations that you are more than just a seasonal friend, and you might not or vice versa. It can be very awkward when you had different expectations within that friendship, but with kindness you can explain your life situation, and hopefully they'll understand that as much as you would like to spend a lot of time with them outside of class and studying, you cannot give them the amount of time they desire and be the type of friend they envisioned you to be. However, there are many times when we do have extra time and energy, and we really vibe with the seasonal friend and over the years they become lifelong friends. It just depends on how busy you are, your commitment to your other friends, and if this is the type of friend you can't imagine life without.

My word of advice is to be nice to everyone, but to have no expectations on anyone outside your inner circle. Always try to invest most of your time and energy with those God has already given you to love and take care of, and if you have time, be very selective on who you let into your inner circle. But don't feel pressured to feel like you have to make every seasonal friend a lifelong friend, or feel bad when you turn down in & out friends when their motives are already turned mainly towards them and rarely if anything toward your own benefit. Trust your intuition with friends and be at peace knowing that whatever friend mistakes you make, it's okay because you've learned so many things, and now you can help out others.