Entry 2,349 - Entry 2,356
Entry 2,349 - October 29, 2024
It’s actually crazy to think... so many spiritual leaders say you must bring up each emotion or trauma to the surface to be dealt with when you really don’t... That’s like tugging a weed from the top and only removing the green stuff.
It’s still rooted deep in the ego.
That’s the secret. All your triggers, traumas, and painful emotions did not originate from events that happened outside of you.
They actually originate inwardly from the ego, and then the ego tries desperately to paint itself not as the source but as the receiver.
How horrible it would be if the ego knew you found out that it was never the victim but actually the villain to your happiness—when it went outside of its intended function to create the human perspective so that you could experience physical reality.
The way the ego keeps you from finding this out is by tricking you into identifying with it at the essence level. It convinces you that you were originally temporary and didn’t exist. It teaches you that you were truly born and will die. It makes you fear the potentiality of non-existence because all of that has to do with the ego, not you.
Your truth is that you are a creation of God, and God cannot help but make perfect, timeless creations—extensions of Himself. His attributes are yours because you came from Him. It’s really that simple. The ego’s logic is nonsensical and delusional, but God’s knowledge makes total sense at your essence.
Entry 2,350 - October 29, 2024
There is no valid reason or logic in the ego at all. It is delusional at its core. You don’t need to bring up all its trauma individually as stored in your body; rather, go to the root of it and deal with it there.
Read A Course in Miracles. It exposes the ego’s devices used to keep you suffering, and once you see through them, the ego is no longer feared.
Entry 2,351 - October 29, 2024
Now, I’ve touched high states of experience before, and let me tell you—it is what it is, LOL. Literally.
There’s no rush, guys. There is no rush. It’s good and all, but enlightenment can become antithetical when you use it to escape from your present experience in physical reality.
In my opinion, people can be addicted to escaping what they deem “the matrix” and be at the same level of “stuck in the cycle of pleasure/aversion” as Becky down the street, who is shooting heroin up her veins right after she goes pickpocketing for the night.
I’m only saying that because—hello, hi. It’s me. Not the Becky part, but the addiction to high states of ecstasy from experiencing oneness. I am the one who suffers from an immense desire to feel no emotions besides love, have no mentalizations, and be directed merely by the I Am immortal Self. ’Tis me that wants it.
BUT! I also recognize that before I incarnated on this earth, I had a plan for what I wanted to DO. And see, there’s a big difference between doing and being.
I know without a doubt that if I hurl myself out of the matrix through the expanded experiences of kundalini awakening and dissolving the ego until I have no wants or desires—until I’m in so much bliss that I cannot move and I need people to take care of me—how the hell am I supposed to actually accomplish the blueprint I came here to accomplish??
Like, don’t get me wrong. Maybe there are individuals whose one goal before incarnating was to merely reach the highest states of ecstasy of oneness and become a vegetable where they can no longer talk and need people to take care of them.
For sure! Sounds like so much fun!
But in my limited opinion, that is no better, higher, or more amazing than someone experiencing life down the street as a store owner with a happy little family that goes on vacations once a year after saving up for months.
Both the store owner and the mystical sage are characters. Both are experiences. Both are based on some sort of perspective.
One is not better than the other.
They are. That’s that.
I won’t say I am anything in particular, but I’ve crept up the ladder a few times when it came to feeling that irresistible pull to become a vegetable—(that’s what I jokingly call it because, in that state, there is so much bliss from surrendering thoughts, beliefs, positionalities, emotions, and suffering to the I AM that you have no desire to be anyone, do anything, or go anywhere).
But I also have a lot that I want to do.
Does that make me a terrible person because I am resisting the vegetable state?
I don’t think so. I think it makes me a unique person who wants to experience what they want to experience, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I think there’s a lot of shame and guilt thrown on people who don’t welcome the vegetable state as the one and only goal of life.
Like yes, honey, queen—enjoy motionless grooving and not talking, but we all don’t have to ascribe to that type of life in order to be considered spiritual.
Again, it doesn’t make you any less for having dreams, passions, goals, and desires.
You are not a bad person for wanting to be a billionaire.
You are not a bad person for liking a little smexy smex on the side.
You are not a bad person for getting a little crazy on the dance floor.
You’re actually normal. You’re actually living, which is the antithetical state of being a vegetable in ecstasy.
Like sure, the bliss is great, but am I going to throw everything out the window just to spend the next however many years of my life in a cave, poor, thin, and in silence because that I Am Presence just hit me so hard I have no desires left?
Please, God, no.
If I wanted to be a vegetable and not interact with the world, I would’ve just stayed dead.
God damn.
Entry 2,352 - October 30, 2024
Right now, I’m reading I, Reality and Subjectivity by David R. Hawkins, and it goes on and on about how when you reach extremely high states of consciousness, you stop wanting things—you just be. Apparently, many people in this state can’t speak for years and need others to help take care of them, BUT at least they have high vibes, right? Lmao.
If that’s the case, then that would mean it also overrides the initial blueprint of why you came here. Unless, before you incarnated, you wanted to be a vegetable (no emotions, no mentalizations, no desires, no wants) and simply exist in the game of life.
But let’s say, hypothetically, you had goals, dreams, and desires BEFORE incarnating, and then, all of a sudden, you got a taste of that good good oneness (the most addictive one out of them all), and you threw it all away to be in that bliss full-time. You threw away your family, children, friends, and career just to be in that bliss. In my opinion, that is the epitome of selfishness.
I know, paradoxically, seen from the I Am Presence, it is selfless to be in that state because you are no one, nowhere, doing nothing—which helps raise the overall vibes of the world by having you in that state—but still, on a local level, that’s extreme selfishness. You leave it all to be in bliss. How are you any different from the drug addict who leaves it all for his own bliss?? Paradoxically, he also benefits everyone by being in a state of bliss instead of a deranged, suffering state, but nonetheless, it’s still selfish!
After touching the elixir of ecstasy from experiencing oneness as unconditional love, I realize I don’t need to surrender every aspect of my life to share this with the world. I don’t have to delete my personality or my ego in order to be “saintly” and helpful.
I can retain my ego and merely understand that the ego is a temporal object of experience that doesn’t truly exist but gives me the opportunity to play this game of life. I am not “bad” or any less for not “walking through the door” and prematurely deleting my ego. I am not “bad” for not choosing to become a full-fledged fucking vegetable who surrenders everything just to be in a state of bliss for myself.
Entry 2,353 - October 30, 2024
I think something that would help with the calibrated scale of consciousness developed by David R. Hawkins is also identifying the seeming “bottom and top”—even though it is technically infinite on both sides.
But for illusion’s sake within our world, the bottom, lowest number would be an indication of pure selfishness, and the top level would be an indication of pure selflessness.
But when you zoom out beyond the illusion of the logarithmic scale, you’ll notice that it is actually a circle! And that selfishness and selflessness are, at the core, paradoxically the same—merely manifesting differently depending on conditions, not having any conditions, or both.
To give up everything to experience bliss is, indeed, extremely selfish.
To give up everything to get money so that your family, friends, and loved ones can live happy, peaceful lives doing what they love is, indeed, selfless.
Anything, long enough, moves into the other perspective if one follows it closely enough. Keep following the line of selflessness, and you’ll find selfishness—and vice versa. The same goes for pleasure and aversion. Where does one start and where does the other begin? They are both cyclical, leading back into each other.
The state of I Am is also cyclical to the state of I Am Not. IT IS STILL A CYCLE.
This is what so many “spiritualists” and “enlightened masters” get wrong. It is just as much a cycle as pleasure/aversion, for it seeks pleasure in reality just like someone on earth seeks pleasure in the physical reality.
Both are cycles!
If you judge one, you better not leave the other one out as well, or else you are failing to see the whole picture.
Entry 2,354 - November 3, 2024
I remember the fear I had to overcome in relation to Christianity was my belief in Jesus' death on the cross as my salvation. That fear was STRONG!
Entry 2,355 - November 12, 2024
Realizations
- People who swim with sharks have an energy system vibrating at love. Their fear of sharks is little to none. Love dominates their energy, and that is why sharks respond not with threat but with compassion. Love from humans to sharks comes off as motherly, caring, and compassionate, and even adult sharks love to be in the energy feeling of a motherly type of love.
- David R. Hawkins' consciousness calibration scale is even more accurate in terms of physical representation if it were shown as concentric circles—getting larger and larger as the number increases—until there is no circle.
- 1,000 (avatar state) to humans could be a baby frequency to another entity from a different dimension/universe/plane of existence. To us, it may represent deep feelings of freedom, connection, and oneness, but to another entity, it may only be the beginning of something even more marvelous.
- I did the calibration test for true vs. false for: My primary teacher in this life is ___, and it said no to Jesus, Babaji, Lahiri Mahasaya, Sri Yukteswar, and Yogananda. It said yes to Buddha.
Entry 2,356 - November 14, 2024
Some spiritual teachers might emphasize how the body is not important, but to me, taking the utmost care of my body is an expression of my love for my body.
Just like I take care of my plants, how I keep my apartment clean, how I safely transport the spider back outside—it’s all a reflection of the love that I have. And oh, what a blessing to love my body in all the ways I get to!
By combing my hair, showering, eating fruits and vegetables, inoculating it with vaccines, exercising it, dancing with it, moisturizing it, clipping its nails, relaxing it, massaging it—what a divine encounter.
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