Entry 68 - Lesson on the Pain Body

8/13/19

So I encountered a situation in which someone's negative words successfully managed to bring up pain that I didn't even know about, and even though it was obviously not fun to go through, I learned a very powerful lesson through my failure and hopefully this will help others to not have to go through what I went through. In Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now, He calls that phenomenon the 'pain body' and describes it as below:

"As long as you are unable to access the power of the Now, every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you. It merges with the pain from the past, which was already there, and becomes lodged in your mind and body. This, of course, includes the pain you suffered as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born.

This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It’s the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it."

For the first time in a long time, I had my 'pain body' activated by someone. Because I was so unconscious of what was happening, I instantly and unconsciously identified with it, and the pain body wrecked havoc on every part of me. Because I identified with the pain body and the pain body identified with the past, I was in a lot of pain when I didn't need to be.

I won't say what the person said to me, but through a negative comment, it triggered a memory from the past of how I used to suffer with showing my emotions and being open and vulnerable with how I felt. I did this to protect myself because at the time, I didn't know what else to do. So because of me stonewalling my emotions altogether, I was good at not expressing anger or hatred, but I unconsciously threw the baby out with the bathwater and was also not good at showing love and kindness towards family and friends.

The pain body reminded me of that, and then came all the insecurities from stonewalling my emotions in the past. Even though I know without a doubt none of those past experiences define me, somehow those person's comments managed to suck the life out of me and make me identify with pain that is from the past.

My awakening where I realized this isn't who I really am started with about how just yesterday while I was sitting on a rock, a cute bird landed right by me on top of Cowles Mountain and stared at me so naturally, I began to cry. I loved the bird so much and was filled with such gratitude for everything. Even a year ago I couldn't imagine having that much love in my heart for animals, so I know that what the pain body was bringing up was not me but a phantom self it was trying to project onto me who it thinks I am based on my past.

Though I stonewalled my emotions in the past, that no longer defines me now and the moment I realized that and dropped that false idea of me, the pain body lost its hold on me and withered away. Just like that, my emotions stabilized, my peace returned, and I went on my merry way. Don't get me wrong, it took some time to get to that realization, but when I did, I was free. I don't have to suffer if I don't want to. I can free myself from the pain body, I just have to be aware of it and refuse to identify with it. So hopefully this helps people who also might have certain not nice words spoken to them or negative comments from others that might trigger a similar reaction. You are not your pain. You are not defined by your past. Who you are today is beautiful, bright, and wonderful. Don't allow the pain body any leverage to put you in a state of misery. And if you accidentally do, it's okay, you can learn and protect yourself in the future. We're all in this together.