Entry 644 - Entry 652
Entry 644 - May 30th
I feel like my job is to uproot and expose the frailty of belief systems. To show how flimsy, temporary, and ridiculous it is to identify with something that will eventually cease to exist. I don’t want to start another religious or spiritual community based on my belief system, especially since these systems naturally contain limits. I think that would be a waste of time, constricting people. I would rather use my precious time to help liberate people from these constricting belief systems and religions. I want to show how people are more expansive than these organizations with obvious limits. I want people to be able to think for themselves and focus on reality. To focus on what they know, rather than wrapping their whole lives around a limited religious idea.
Entry 645
For many people, when good things happen, they’re happy. When bad things happen, they’re sad. They get tossed around by events, and these events trigger reactions. That’s the reality for a lot of people. The goal of an ascended master in this life is to maintain joy regardless of whether it’s a good or bad time. They have a sense of peace that nothing can shake. Nothing can sway them from their inherent joy and happiness. They stand as witnesses above the duality, affirming our inherent oneness and the love that binds all. No one can trigger them because they remain empowered by not giving away their power.
Entry 646
If there were a pill that could make my brain conform to my gender assigned at birth, then I would be changing my identity from how I have always seen myself, not how the world has always seen me.
However, by taking testosterone injections that change my body to align with my gender identity of "Male," I am retaining my true identity. I am staying who I’ve always been, but now the world has to recognize who I have always been in this incarnation. That’s why I prefer this way: because I’m not losing myself. I’m not becoming a different person. I’ve always been this person, and now it's being expressed outwardly as well.
If there were medication to change my brain to conform to my sex assigned at birth, it would change the identity I’ve always felt. It would feel like I’m becoming someone I’m not, someone I’ve never been. It would feel like a new incarnation because my brain would be rewired in a way that contradicts how it has always felt. For me, changing my body to align with my brain feels more "peaceful" because it allows me to retain the sense of self I’ve always had.
Entry 647
Go within.
Knowing your body is super important.
It is a gift to be able to make yourself orgasm.
It is a gift to give your body good feelings.
Desire and pleasure are not evil; they are amazing experiences that can teach us more about ourselves, others, and All That Is (God).
Desire and pleasure can motivate us to seek new experiences, meet new people, and get closer to our truth—to get closer to God.
Religion benefits from your fear of desire and pleasure because it can guilt you into coming back. It convinces you that your desire or pleasure is a sin, requiring you to return constantly to their church to prevent engaging in pleasure outside their rules.
Be free. Reject restrictive religions. Love yourself enough to explore yourself and not feel guilty about it. Everything in its own beautiful way is divine and conscious. Experience yourself, and be free, my friend.
Entry 648
We often forget that people’s thoughts and beliefs can change as they age, and that’s completely normal. In most cases, it’s a sign of healthy progression. Imagine if you always believed the boogie man existed under your bed—you’d probably still be scared to sleep with the lights off. In my experience, people’s dominant beliefs reflect their current state of consciousness. Their identification with current positive or negative belief systems, or lack thereof, reflects their consciousness.
The need to have strict definitions for labels also reflects a person’s state of consciousness. If you ever read my blog, I want to make it clear that I’m not claiming what I write is infallible or perfect. On the contrary, I’m sharing my journey of consciousness. You’ll often see me trade out old belief systems that no longer serve me for better, healthier, and more stable ones that support my evolution and growth as a person.
I’ve definitely experienced similar patterns that have shown me the nature of beliefs and my reality. From one identification to another. From belief systems to science and reality. From trauma to healing. I’m sharing my raw thoughts in the present moment. I don’t expect my beliefs to be perfect; instead, they are a testament to my journey. What even is a perfect thought? I’m simply sharing where I am on my journey, walking the path alongside you.
Entry 649
I just had a realization… When we were younger, we might have believed in the boogie man under our bed, and our parents would tell us, “That’s silly. There’s no boogie man.” Now, we have preachers and religious teachers saying, “There’s a devil causing you harm every day.” Why don’t we have more people asking, “Do you see a visible devil? Why be afraid of something you haven’t visibly seen?”
Entry 650 - June 1st
When Christians say, “How could you not believe in God?!” I respond, “I never said I don’t believe in God. I just have too optimistic a view of God to apply all the duality, favoritism, hatred, jealousy, wrath, murder, bloody sacrifices, and will-bending found in the Old and New Testament to the Creator."
When people ask, “If your research has made you a critic of Christianity and you’re just going to hell, why are you so happy?” I say, "I never claimed to be outside or inside of Christianity. I affirm my oneness with God and believe religion cannot constrict me within its boundaries."
If critically thinking, researching church history, understanding Jewish history, and seeing how neighboring religious doctrines influenced Christianity have helped me form an understanding of which doctrines are harmful or beneficial, isn’t that awareness valuable? Wouldn’t it be helpful for everyone to discern which doctrines waste time and which are truly beneficial?
If bringing this information to people could send me to hell, then does God really value critical thinking? Does God truly want to save us? Because if blindly believing what the preacher says without using your brain is the ticket to heaven, that makes God seem a bit sketchy to me…
Entry 651 - June 1st
Writing out my raw, uncensored thoughts on the harmful doctrines within Christianity is part of my deconditioning process. I used to feel guilty about sharing what I found harmful. But I realized that deconditioning is normal and can help others become aware, so they don’t waste time believing in harmful doctrines—unless they choose to experience it.
Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern when deconditioning. First, when you become aware of harmful beliefs, you’re shocked that you didn’t realize it sooner. You can’t believe you accepted it for so long without questioning it. There may be grief for the lost time, but joy quickly follows when you realize you’re free from those beliefs.
Next, you understand those beliefs didn’t originate from within you; they came from external sources. This means you don’t have to identify with them. You then explore why those beliefs were harmful. During this exploration, you may feel emotions you’ve suppressed—pain, anguish, trauma—and these emotions may rise to the surface.
This process may seem scary, but it’s necessary for healing. Trauma often stems from ideas, beliefs, and thoughts that triggered emotions we were too afraid to feel. By allowing ourselves to feel these trapped emotions and confronting the trauma caused by those beliefs, we release the trauma with love and light.
When I write about harmful Christian doctrines, people often witness my trauma bursting through my words. Many times, I’m feeling those emotions as I write, and it’s part of my process of releasing and healing them.
In the past, I was conditioned by multiple Christian denominations to fear questioning the church’s teachings. I worried I might upset God or face punishment. I feared losing my church community, my leadership roles, and my support system. I even remember being five years old when my mom explained that Jesus had to die for our sins, and I thought, “That makes no sense.” It took years for me to understand that sometimes, kids are more in tune with what’s coherent and what’s rooted in irrational stories.
Entry 652
"One of the most important differences between Jewish monotheism and Zoroastrian monotheism is that Jews recognize the one God as the Source of both good and evil, light and darkness, while Zoroastrians, during all the phases of their long theological history, think of God only as the Source of good, with evil as a separate principle.
There is a famous passage in Second Isaiah, composed during or after the Exile, which is sometimes cited as a Jewish rebuke to the Zoroastrian idea of a dualistic God: 'I am YHVH, unrivaled: I form the light and create the dark. I make good fortune and create calamity, it is I, YHVH, who do all this.' (Isaiah 45:7) This passage, which is a major source for Jewish speculation on the source of good and evil in the world, denies the Zoroastrian idea of a God who is the source only of 'good' and favorable things.
Jews had their own ideas of angels long before they encountered Zoroastrianism; angels were nameless, impersonal representatives of God’s message and action. But after the Exile, Jewish angels gained names and personalities and were seen as guardians of various natural phenomena, just like the Zoroastrian yazatas. The Jewish and Christian idea of a personal 'guardian angel' may also have been inspired by the Zoroastrian figure of the fravashi, the divine guardian spirit of each individual human being."
— Quote from Anonymous
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