Exploring Life

Entry 1,702 - March 17th 2023 Mean Girls the movie may be the girl bible for the ladies, but rap is the only place where a man can be cocky, talk about pussy, and somehow still keep his reputation. So many modern rap songs are trash. Remove the beats and keep the verses, and they sound like a broken percussion by a creep who makes poems about women’s private parts. When are they going to focus on women’s smarts, their hearts, and their love in every fart??? Entry 1,703 - March 21st I got bored, so I started living my best life. Entry 1,704 - March 22nd White magic, new age, Kundalini spirituality that stresses one needs to be detached from emotions—completely contrary to why we came here—is super toxic. Any idea of transcending your emotions is also a denial of our humanity because we came here with an emotional body to feel every emotion, not just “the good ones”… Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. When you deny your emotions, you also deny yourself. You deny the reason why y...

Entry 1,684 - March 2nd 2023 I was confused why I wasn’t like the others, Why I preferred one over a thousand lovers. One kiss for eternity over hookups in beds. Was I conditioned by church to stay a virgin, or did I choose that out of my own internal provision? Was I programmed to detest sex, or did I detest the idea of it being treated as anything less than an act of divinity? Was I asexual, or were my standards too high? What about sex keeps me a virgin? Is it God? The church? Or myself? A Virgo in astrology might have foreshadowed the realization, But if I don’t need it, why make a big deal about it? If I feel the reason is not persuasive enough, why do it with another? And so I don’t. Does that make me anything? Maybe it just makes me human. Perhaps there is an undertone, As I write this, I feel it bubble to the surface. I’ve always known I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, Falling deeply for people in my dreams without an ounce of showing any of those feelings outwardly. But it rea...

Entry 1,675 - February 12th 2023 The problem with Christianity is that it doesn’t teach people to embrace and love their shadows. It teaches them to resist and hate them. They aren’t taught by their religion that what you resist is what persists, so they go around the world with so many shadows and so much dissociation that they can’t function how they want to. They function how their ego wants to. Entry 1,676 I challenge everything, but I’m finding out that can scare many people who prefer to follow the status quo, because when I followed the status quo, it scared me. I challenge society. I challenge religion. I challenge family traditions. I challenge the educational system. I challenge systems of power. I challenge my own belief systems and those around me. Even though it is oftentimes uncomfortable to do so, I know it’s beneficial. Following blindly without questioning is the quickest way to fall into a pit and stay in it. Questioning and finding solutions to problems in every area...

Entry 1,656 - February 5th 2023 The reason why nothing means anything until we give it meaning is this: In order for something to mean something, you need something else that doesn’t mean anything. In the act of splitting those two apart or existing separately, it creates duality. If all that existed before everything was love, then there is no meaning—just love. That’s why love doesn’t mean something, because assigning meaning would create duality. Love just is. To say it means something is to imply duality because, in order for something to mean something, something else must contrast it. Love is before what means or doesn’t mean anything. That which is precedes labels, definitions, dualities, and physical reality. It is the eternal—that which encapsulates and goes beyond. Love is the limitless infinite, the One that will never fail to be what it is. Entry 1,657 I thought I was asexual, but then I realized I only want the baddest bitch that exists. Entry 1,658 - February 6th Many Chr...

Entry 1,644.5 - January 28th 2023 Christianity almost killed me. But I made it out to tell my story. At the beginning, there was a box, And I was expected to be inside of it. But how could I hide that I didn’t fit in it? The church judged and condemned those who were outside, So I tried my best to adapt and confide. I threw away my truth to express a lie, All so that they would treat me right. To be accepted by my family, to be accepted by my friends. Or else what would happen if I showed them my truth with no masks, with false gems? Would they leave me? Would they force me out? Could I handle being ostracized by the ones who supposedly loved me the most? When did it become normal to demonize identity? To tell someone who knows who they are that they’re wrong in identifying themselves this far? To take the reins in morality-checking by saying any other identity is a sin in vain? When did the church become God? To have the full ability to judge righteously a human identity? When did hum...

Entry 1,630 - January 15th 2023 There’s a difference between spiritualizing life by moralizing and immoralizing daily matters and living life in such a way that uproots preconceived notions of what is considered bad and good by the religious. One intends to force morality into life inorganically according to the groupthink of the religious group, and the other intends to live life more freely and harm-free according to universal principles of life. The latter does not mean you live life without morality but rather that you live beyond the cut-and-dry staples of what each religious group considers moral and immoral. The latter means you go to the essence of what true morality points to—whether someone’s actions cause harm or healing. It does not seek to go beyond that universal essence of morality. It does not puff up the essence with unnecessary doctrines and concepts that clutter and confuse the mind. It does not go beyond the essence to instill unnecessary fear, guilt, and shame. It ...

Entry 1,619 - January 7th, 2023 David R. Hawkins says that from the place of God, nothing means anything. At its base reality, it just is. This is known as one who "is," and by the one who “is,” they are everywhere, everything, all at once. If you are all places at the same time, then there is no differentiation between you and something else. Normally, from a human perspective, we derive meaning from subjectivity. We say a crosswalk is a crosswalk because it isn’t a stop sign. We say a spoon is a spoon because it is not a fork. From our perspective, we give meaning to that which is different from us and other things by calling it something else. That level of conceptualization allows us to accept differentiation in objects of matter. But from the God level—everything, everywhere, all at once—it all is. That’s why when you tap into the space of no longer giving things meaning from the human level, but rather experience everything as yourself, as the Self, as one, you simulta...