Journal Discourse 81

February 5th 2023

The reason why nothing means anything until we give it meaning is because of this:

In order to have something mean something, you need to have something that doesn’t mean something. In the act of splitting those two apart or existing separately, it creates duality. 

If all that was before there was everything was love, then there is no meaning, just love. That’s why love doesn’t mean something because that would create duality.

Love just is. To say it means something is to imply duality because in order for something to mean something, then something else must contrast it.

Love is before what means or doesn’t mean anything. That which is, precedes labels, definitions, dualities and physical reality.

It is the eternal. That which encapsulates and goes beyond. Love is the limitless infinite. The One that will never fail to be what it is.

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I thought I was asexual, but then I realized I only want the baddest bitch that exists.

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February 6th

Many Christians think the world's against them when their the ones against the world. It’s like they forgot about the law of reciprocity. What you’re against becomes against you, not by its merit but by your own belief..

If I hate the world, I shouldn’t be shocked when I find the world hating me. If I persecute those in the world or hold up systems of religious colonialism, which is responsible for centuries of massive genocide, then I shouldn’t be shocked when others persecute me.

The law of reciprocity is so easy to understand. You simply look at all the things that you project other people are doing to you, and find it within yourself as to why you have that belief, in order to find where it stems from. Then uproot it, change it and experience a new reality.

If you’re done with the institutionalized religion of Christianity, then say fuck it, I’m done. If you want a higher chance of having to deal with its karma throughout the centuries, then by all means, stay with it.

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The Christian religious view of the Creator is too limited for my liking.

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Some people only have an awareness of matter, which can feel constrictive and limiting.

Others have a relationship and awareness of matter and anti-matter, aware that their whole bodies blink in and out of this universe to another universe of anti-matter, which is less limiting.

Then there are few who know there is no way their full Self could be limited by a body, and they experience freedom like no other.

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February 7th 2023

Perhaps the demon rhetoric is so popular in Christianity and Paganism because maybe from their point of view, it’s less pain-inducing to disassociate from their trauma by calling it a “demon” rather than to accept the fact that they have trauma in their body, which oftentimes manifests in negative ways.

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February 8th

The Christian religion reminds me of the movie called the Truman show. Once you find the door to the outside, you realize it was all just a fool's game. It was something man created to experience a certain facet of life from a certain perspective. You don’t need it, it needs you.

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February 9th

Close your eyes.

Now when you think of God, does that mean God is in your thoughts or is God beyond your thoughts? Can your thoughts properly describe the limitlessness and immutability of an Omnipotent God?

If our thoughts are concepts, images, ideas of God, then they are still not God. If our belief in God, our thoughts of God, ideas of God are not God, what is God?

God in the mind is a creation of the mind. We breathe meaning into the word, and called it something that we can’t fully conceptualize in our brain, but the idea of who God is lives in our brain, as does the concept. 

The idea of God in our brain does not truly exist as it is seen in the brain because it’s our own creation limited to the brain. It only has meaning within the brain because that is where we define, conceptualize and give meaning in a way that our limited brains can handle it.

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February 9th

Christian music sounds like cancer to my ears if it had a sound.

The Bible would taste like rotting, pierced, animal flesh if it had a taste.

The Christian church would look like a lifeless carcass on the side of a road with no funeral, if it looked like how it felt when I went inside its doors.

Christianity tries to convince its followers that the world is the villain, with the devil as the puppet master. I now realize that Christianity is the embodiment of negativity by how it seeks to control, manipulate and create groupthink carbon copies of self-proclaimed righteous pseudo-religious adherents who follow a version of a god that would rather have you die than live authentically yourself.


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Organized, hierarchic religion constantly seeking external power is the actual Christian version of the devil.

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February 10th

The dark reminds me of my spark
The early nights I’d tread

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Make Me black
Fill my heart with that divine tree sap
Fill my bones with your sins
Fill my mind with your crimes
I want to feel it all
The divine, the crimes, the ultimate.

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February 10th 2023

I feel it rising
It’s like a phoenix but this one’s different
It’s dark it’s powerful and it’s one with everything
It’s all the parts of me I banished
All the power I subdued
All the ambition I refused to release
Worried that I would hurt others
All the parts I was scared to release
Because I didn’t want to hurt peoples feelings
The parts I imprisoned in the corner of my being
I refused to release and open them as feelings
The aspects of me I refused air for them to breathe
Water to drink
The parts of me that have been barely alive but waiting for the day to be freed with love
The parts of me waiting to be integrated, loved and seen as a valid part of my personality on this earth.
I feel them coming.
I’m finding them and letting them out.
It scares me but one day i won’t hold back
I’ll let it all out
All the power
All the ambition
All the feeling
All of it

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February 11th 2023

Once I started meditating more, I was able to pick up the vibrations of thoughts, ideas, concepts at approximately where they were vibrating in terms of fear or of love. So when I thought of the Christian god as mentioned in the Bible, I realized the vibration of that god filled me with a lot of unnecessary fear. Fear that if I didn’t follow this god, I would be killed by him. If I didn’t read my Bible every day, god would kill me. If I didn’t try to “convert sinners”, I would not make it far in the “ranks” of heaven because I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to.

Now when I look back at those vibrations, I still feel the same things from this Christian god explained in the Bible. Very dense, very conditional love with very little flexibility in the way things are by how many rules were established.

Yes, Jesus softened things up, but then Christians were unable to intuitively grasp the oneness Jesus was talking about in terms of everything and everyone and deified Jesus as god apart from themselves as well. They created a stronger separation between them and Jesus when Jesus was trying to show through experience everyone’s inherit oneness. So then the growing pains of a new religion began to form. The scriptures were eventually used as weapons to further colonize, kill and destroy in the name of its god.

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Centuries in the future, civilizations will look back at our actions as chaotic examples of barbarism. They’ll see the religions we kept were the ones that did the best at advancing our deepest traumas, creating filthy wants that would not normally be accepted, unless the group was justified by blaming God for the actions committed.

They’ll look back and see the religions built on death, buried in the ground like death. Old religions lost in the myths they created. Christian churches, relics of an old religion. Strange divisions finally washed over with a sea of divine love. They’ll stand shocked in the hate between religions and the strange subjugation based on race and gender.

They will be thankful that they weren’t born in our time, and rest knowing what was created has finally been destroyed. They will be reminded that the religions which utilized death became their own victims by death. The religions have all been buried and new thoughts have branched new religions with better unity than before.

Better religions, better inventions, better ideas, better coherence. More advanced intelligently, empathetically, creatively and accumulatively. They relax in the knowing that our chapter has closed, and they will make sure as a group to never resurrect its negative genocidal trenches ever again.

Hateful religions are a relic of the past, the fathers of death they have cast.

I know love will always win, and that division is the worst illusion of sin.

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In my opinion, better to be an agnostic and open to multiple possibilities then to be closed-minded and think you know what’s true, what’s not true and the perfect way to heaven because then you shut yourself off to information that doesn’t fit within the patterns of your already confined belief system.

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If you look back at all the passages in the Bible, where it says, “And God says.” Do you think God literally was saying words out loud from the sky, or God’s words were being heard within an individuals mind? If it were heard within an individual's mind, then who has a say in saying it’s actually God and not just their ego? How does one test whether they think they’re hearing God rather than just the ones from their own personal ego?

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I don’t think the negatively oriented path is the same as the left-hand path because you can have negatively oriented people in both the left hand in the right-hand path. I think the paths eventually cross over one another because each path represents unique experiences. They’re not separately a guild you’re initiated into and you can never “join” the other guild. At the end of the day, healing is all.

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I think one of the major cons of following the right-hand path is the fact that they completely detach from their shadows, and they don’t even try to go in to experience what it’s like balancing their shadows, they just detach from it. We didn’t come here just to become detached from everything, we came here because we wanted to experience what it’s like improving growing evolving. 

I feel like the left-hand path does a great job of teaching people how to love the shadows, embrace the shadows, to explore different modalities, different personalities, different characteristics of how to heal and to be seen be heard, and experience others.