Journal Discourse 80
January 28th 2023
Christianity almost killed me
But I made it out to tell my story.
At the beginning there was a box
And I was expected to be inside of it.
But how could I hide that I didn’t fit in it?
The church judged and condemned those who were outside
So I tried my best to adapt and confide.
I threw away my truth to express a lie.
All so that they would treat me right.
To be accepted by my family to be accepted by my friends.
Or else what would happen if I showed them my truth with no masks with false gems?
Would they leave me? Would they force me out?
Could I handle being ostracized by the ones who supposedly loved me the most?
When did it become normal to demonize identity?
To tell someone who knows who they are that they’re wrong in identifying themselves this far?
To take the reins in morality checking by saying any other identity is a sin in vain?
When did the church become God?
To have the full ability to judge righteously a human identity?
When did human beings identities become positions of morality?
When did peoples lives become a chess game for condemnation?
Doing so spreads sickness and its sickness can be felt.
Anyone who goes beyond the box is either thrown out or expected to change.
They don’t wait, they make sure you feel their discontent which deep down is hate.
They don’t like differences, they applaud sameness.
They’re sick for willingly fucking over others in the name of Jesus.
For leaving people to die instead of helping them survive.
Fuck religion.
It holds no more importance in my life than a plastic toy pigeon.
I left it and I left it for a reason.
Because it almost killed me but I survived and now I’m well seasoned.
Now I warn others of its demise.
And remind them it’s okay to be different.
You won’t die or be sent to hell for living your life truthfully in this moment.
You’ll benefit more from throwing a middle finger at religion than letting religion destroy you.
Don’t feed into their power hungry force.
They only exist because we made them exist.
They pretend to be a mediator between God and man but have reduced themselves to a false judge between man and man.
They failed at their own creation and instead created a monster.
A beast bent on hurting others in the name of a loving God.
How destructive it was to follow a religion that capitalizes off of those that don’t fit in it’s pretty print boxes.
The real hell is following a religion stuffed with ruthless leaders who fashion their morality into a sword.
May the hell Christianity wishes on others be the hell it destroys itself with.
And any religion that returns to love, may it survive and dissolve religions that spread hate and harm from within.
--
January 29th
My atheist counselor triggered my first spiritual awakening. Not Christianity, Not Judaism, but an atheist. That showed me that no one needs a belief in a god to evolve oneself mentally, physically or spiritually.
After our counseling sessions, he would breathe alongside me and train me in the power of conscious breathing. That's all it took. Then my life was never the same.
--
Religion is easy to understand. You just learn their labels. But science on the otherhand, requires critical thinking.
--
January 30th
Trauma can be stored in the body and oftentimes felt as twitches, tension or pain.
Trauma can be stored in the memory which can be felt as emotional turmoil.
When one dissolves the trauma and they actively focus on more cerebrospinal fluid flowing up the spine, something changes within the whole bodily system.
Once an active decision to make it rise to the pineal gland, it will change everything.
It will feel like heaven on earth in your body.
You will feel orgasmic sensations in your head and neck.
The idea of fear of death will be deconstructed and dissolved.
Your linear perception of time will be deconstructed and expanded to fit concentric time.
Fear will become funny.
--
January 31st 2023
My mental, physical and spiritual evolution all increased exponentially more from an atheist than all religions combined. If that doesn’t tell you that you really don’t need religion to evolve, then I don’t know what will.
Religion may work well for others, but for many of us, it is more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to finding ourselves and evolving.
All these mental blocks of “you need to pray like us”, “you need to do this meditation technique like us,” “you need to believe like us” creates identical sheep not unique, individual, thriving artists of their own their creation.
--
February 2nd 2023
The ego is a weirdo.
But we kiss it with thanks.
Because it gives us the ability to run this race.
--
February 4th
The Calibrated levels of consciousness of Hawkins would be even more accurate to the human condition if it were seen in cyclical terms. For example, instead of it being perceived as logarithmic, it were seen as a circular spiral. The spiral indicates we go through many cycles. Our healing is on that spiral of cycles. If we have trauma or tension stored in our body because of a past memory, digging that trauma up and out is going along the cycle of removal.
But in order to go there, one must get there and that requires one to face the past, which it tries to stay relevant in the present moment. Until one gets face to face with that tension… Until that trauma is seen and heard, it will stay there. Like a sad guest who has been waiting for years to be held, felt, loved, and released, it waits and waits and waits. It doesn’t magically disappear if you remove your attention from it. That past memory will continue to effect you either unconsciously or consciously all throughout your life.
If someone mimics similar behavior to that painful memory, or triggers similar feelings of insecurities from that past memory, it will bring up even more tension and trauma. Then in turn, that pain triggered could be projected on the person who tapped into that unhealed part hidden deep within you. The cycle is for our benefit. It lets us circle back, find the bits of the past trying to stay relevant in the present, and it hears, forgives, loves and lets it go. Then you go about your merry life on the cycle until another past fragment is ready to be seen and released.
For most humans, we have both the light and the shadow within us. The goal is not to extinguish the darkness and become vegetable people with no desire to experience life on Earth but rather, to accept all that we are and to enjoy where we currently are.
Even the desire to have no desires and become a vegetable person where you want nothing and want no one is a hidden desire in the supposedly “enlightened state.” There are people who may think they are enlightened because they want nothing or no one but in reality, their ego has become so spiritualized that they have yet to realize that it is just as much as a desire to not want anything as someone who wants something. The opposite of something is nothing, and if you want one or the other, you still have a desire, which is not bad nor good, it’s an experience.
That’s another issue with the religious and spiritual people: The demonization of desire. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t desire to experience this plane of existence. This was brought forth from the magic of our desire, and what an opportunity it is to explore ourselves and the world! To make it seem like “it’s bad” to want to experience things, want to be with people, etc, is to fail to see how before you came here you, were excitedly prepared to experience those desires.
Now all of a sudden we have these spiritual people say “Give up your desires so that you can experience enlightenment” and I call bullshit. Enlightenment isn’t something you need to give desires up for. To treat it as such is to make enlightenment a desire, which many of them fail to realize. The better way to go about life is to look forward to fulfilling your desires. Do what you want. Be excited about accomplishing your goals; don’t try to extinguish them. Have fun playing on Earth while serving others and when it’s done, let it be done.
If all your desires extinguish on Earth, even the desire for enlightenment, then okay. That’s that. But if you still have desires, you are not a bad person or any less “enlightened” than your fellow friend. We are all divine sparks trying to have a fuck ton of fun. There’s no need to moralize fun. JUST HAVE FUN!!!!
--
I don’t see the universe up against me. Rather, I see the universe happening for me and with me. It’s a symbiotic relationship that I’m interconnected with.
There’s a constant giving and receiving and I’ve learned to not criticize one over the other, but rather to accept both as gifts of experience while I have the incredible opportunity to traverse this Earth.
--
February 4th 2023
I like the darkness.
It grounds me.
I like the subtle reflection of my intentions into the Earth.
It reminds me I’m human.
I’m not something to hide from.
I’m something to accept and learn from.
I’m something to love from.
I breathe but my body also breathes me.
I see but my body also sees me.
I speak but my body also speaks for me.
What would I be without the interconnectivity of it all?
That’s why I love the shadows. That’s why I love the dark.
It’s the part that lets us appreciate the ground beneath us.
The trees above us.
The moon inside of us.
It grounds but it also heals.
It shapes but it also feels.
It reminds us through matter that we all still matter.
As separate as we may seem through the finite of things, we will stay one indefinitely.
The shadows of the light make us shine bright.
But darkness still receives less recognition than the light.
I appreciate the shadows.
They are my friends
They teach me to appreciate all that I am
For there is joy in a new found way, to play with duality in every phase.
--
Explanation of why many LGBTQ feel hurt:
When the people you love the most, refuse to accept and respect a sacred aspect of who they say they are, they feel unloved. So no matter how much you try to be loving, if you don’t love them for who they say they are, they still feel unloved.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Corinthians 13:7
Real love from God bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, which includes when a person says “this is truly who I am.”
I have a scientifically proven medical condition called gender incongruence. I feel male in my brain but I was born biologically female. I medically transitioned legally to essentially save my life and to remediate my chronic stress from this condition.
Throughout the years of my life, this chronic stress increased into bodily imbalances which eventually culminated into serious health issues, one forcing me to get a 10 hour reconstructive jaw surgery that left me in the ICU recovering for a week. Literally right after beginning my medical transition, my chronic stress dissipated and I feel the healthiest I’ve ever been because of being treated.
Medical conditions shouldn't be a religious debate. They are scientifically, backed up, peer reviewed and life saving. I can’t help people if they place religion over my own well being, but I pray that they will see Jesus was not anti-science, but pro everyone living their best life, and I can say with full confidence, I am living my best life.
I also know it takes time to learn how to accept people like Jesus did, so I have compassion for these people on their journey. Sending love their way.
--
Christianity was my cage.
Worship music was my constant meal of guilt and shame.
Always replaying how I’m not good enough.
--
February 5th
The religion of mainstream Christendom that stem from pagan roots put many Christians under a spell of delusion. They say God or Satan creates their reality when in fact, they create their own reality. Things are not happening to them, but rather for them by themselves. People may join in that creation, but they are their own creations.
If religion can convince you that you are out of control, then it can convince you that you need religion in order to be in control. And instead of saying they are the ones who are in control, they combined the religion with God and said it is God who is in control when one submits to their religion. They do this subtly and slyly, and they get away with it.
--
Mainstream Christianity is a drug that is in my opinion, even more dangerously addictive and destructive than nicotine. It has created killers in the name of God. It has justified genocide in the name of God. It has destroyed and colonized in the name of God. Whole nations have been decapitated by war because of this religion. Innocent men, women and babies have died in the name of this religion. The desire and addiction for power using the instrument of Christianity is dangerous because it impacts the world collectively, not individually. One person may be addicted to nicotine, but if you get a full group addicted to religion, people become statistics in obituaries.
Christianity almost killed me
But I made it out to tell my story.
At the beginning there was a box
And I was expected to be inside of it.
But how could I hide that I didn’t fit in it?
The church judged and condemned those who were outside
So I tried my best to adapt and confide.
I threw away my truth to express a lie.
All so that they would treat me right.
To be accepted by my family to be accepted by my friends.
Or else what would happen if I showed them my truth with no masks with false gems?
Would they leave me? Would they force me out?
Could I handle being ostracized by the ones who supposedly loved me the most?
When did it become normal to demonize identity?
To tell someone who knows who they are that they’re wrong in identifying themselves this far?
To take the reins in morality checking by saying any other identity is a sin in vain?
When did the church become God?
To have the full ability to judge righteously a human identity?
When did human beings identities become positions of morality?
When did peoples lives become a chess game for condemnation?
Doing so spreads sickness and its sickness can be felt.
Anyone who goes beyond the box is either thrown out or expected to change.
They don’t wait, they make sure you feel their discontent which deep down is hate.
They don’t like differences, they applaud sameness.
They’re sick for willingly fucking over others in the name of Jesus.
For leaving people to die instead of helping them survive.
Fuck religion.
It holds no more importance in my life than a plastic toy pigeon.
I left it and I left it for a reason.
Because it almost killed me but I survived and now I’m well seasoned.
Now I warn others of its demise.
And remind them it’s okay to be different.
You won’t die or be sent to hell for living your life truthfully in this moment.
You’ll benefit more from throwing a middle finger at religion than letting religion destroy you.
Don’t feed into their power hungry force.
They only exist because we made them exist.
They pretend to be a mediator between God and man but have reduced themselves to a false judge between man and man.
They failed at their own creation and instead created a monster.
A beast bent on hurting others in the name of a loving God.
How destructive it was to follow a religion that capitalizes off of those that don’t fit in it’s pretty print boxes.
The real hell is following a religion stuffed with ruthless leaders who fashion their morality into a sword.
May the hell Christianity wishes on others be the hell it destroys itself with.
And any religion that returns to love, may it survive and dissolve religions that spread hate and harm from within.
--
January 29th
My atheist counselor triggered my first spiritual awakening. Not Christianity, Not Judaism, but an atheist. That showed me that no one needs a belief in a god to evolve oneself mentally, physically or spiritually.
After our counseling sessions, he would breathe alongside me and train me in the power of conscious breathing. That's all it took. Then my life was never the same.
--
Religion is easy to understand. You just learn their labels. But science on the otherhand, requires critical thinking.
--
January 30th
Trauma can be stored in the body and oftentimes felt as twitches, tension or pain.
Trauma can be stored in the memory which can be felt as emotional turmoil.
When one dissolves the trauma and they actively focus on more cerebrospinal fluid flowing up the spine, something changes within the whole bodily system.
Once an active decision to make it rise to the pineal gland, it will change everything.
It will feel like heaven on earth in your body.
You will feel orgasmic sensations in your head and neck.
The idea of fear of death will be deconstructed and dissolved.
Your linear perception of time will be deconstructed and expanded to fit concentric time.
Fear will become funny.
--
January 31st 2023
My mental, physical and spiritual evolution all increased exponentially more from an atheist than all religions combined. If that doesn’t tell you that you really don’t need religion to evolve, then I don’t know what will.
Religion may work well for others, but for many of us, it is more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to finding ourselves and evolving.
All these mental blocks of “you need to pray like us”, “you need to do this meditation technique like us,” “you need to believe like us” creates identical sheep not unique, individual, thriving artists of their own their creation.
--
February 2nd 2023
The ego is a weirdo.
But we kiss it with thanks.
Because it gives us the ability to run this race.
--
February 4th
The Calibrated levels of consciousness of Hawkins would be even more accurate to the human condition if it were seen in cyclical terms. For example, instead of it being perceived as logarithmic, it were seen as a circular spiral. The spiral indicates we go through many cycles. Our healing is on that spiral of cycles. If we have trauma or tension stored in our body because of a past memory, digging that trauma up and out is going along the cycle of removal.
But in order to go there, one must get there and that requires one to face the past, which it tries to stay relevant in the present moment. Until one gets face to face with that tension… Until that trauma is seen and heard, it will stay there. Like a sad guest who has been waiting for years to be held, felt, loved, and released, it waits and waits and waits. It doesn’t magically disappear if you remove your attention from it. That past memory will continue to effect you either unconsciously or consciously all throughout your life.
If someone mimics similar behavior to that painful memory, or triggers similar feelings of insecurities from that past memory, it will bring up even more tension and trauma. Then in turn, that pain triggered could be projected on the person who tapped into that unhealed part hidden deep within you. The cycle is for our benefit. It lets us circle back, find the bits of the past trying to stay relevant in the present, and it hears, forgives, loves and lets it go. Then you go about your merry life on the cycle until another past fragment is ready to be seen and released.
For most humans, we have both the light and the shadow within us. The goal is not to extinguish the darkness and become vegetable people with no desire to experience life on Earth but rather, to accept all that we are and to enjoy where we currently are.
Even the desire to have no desires and become a vegetable person where you want nothing and want no one is a hidden desire in the supposedly “enlightened state.” There are people who may think they are enlightened because they want nothing or no one but in reality, their ego has become so spiritualized that they have yet to realize that it is just as much as a desire to not want anything as someone who wants something. The opposite of something is nothing, and if you want one or the other, you still have a desire, which is not bad nor good, it’s an experience.
That’s another issue with the religious and spiritual people: The demonization of desire. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t desire to experience this plane of existence. This was brought forth from the magic of our desire, and what an opportunity it is to explore ourselves and the world! To make it seem like “it’s bad” to want to experience things, want to be with people, etc, is to fail to see how before you came here you, were excitedly prepared to experience those desires.
Now all of a sudden we have these spiritual people say “Give up your desires so that you can experience enlightenment” and I call bullshit. Enlightenment isn’t something you need to give desires up for. To treat it as such is to make enlightenment a desire, which many of them fail to realize. The better way to go about life is to look forward to fulfilling your desires. Do what you want. Be excited about accomplishing your goals; don’t try to extinguish them. Have fun playing on Earth while serving others and when it’s done, let it be done.
If all your desires extinguish on Earth, even the desire for enlightenment, then okay. That’s that. But if you still have desires, you are not a bad person or any less “enlightened” than your fellow friend. We are all divine sparks trying to have a fuck ton of fun. There’s no need to moralize fun. JUST HAVE FUN!!!!
--
I don’t see the universe up against me. Rather, I see the universe happening for me and with me. It’s a symbiotic relationship that I’m interconnected with.
There’s a constant giving and receiving and I’ve learned to not criticize one over the other, but rather to accept both as gifts of experience while I have the incredible opportunity to traverse this Earth.
--
February 4th 2023
I like the darkness.
It grounds me.
I like the subtle reflection of my intentions into the Earth.
It reminds me I’m human.
I’m not something to hide from.
I’m something to accept and learn from.
I’m something to love from.
I breathe but my body also breathes me.
I see but my body also sees me.
I speak but my body also speaks for me.
What would I be without the interconnectivity of it all?
That’s why I love the shadows. That’s why I love the dark.
It’s the part that lets us appreciate the ground beneath us.
The trees above us.
The moon inside of us.
It grounds but it also heals.
It shapes but it also feels.
It reminds us through matter that we all still matter.
As separate as we may seem through the finite of things, we will stay one indefinitely.
The shadows of the light make us shine bright.
But darkness still receives less recognition than the light.
I appreciate the shadows.
They are my friends
They teach me to appreciate all that I am
For there is joy in a new found way, to play with duality in every phase.
--
Explanation of why many LGBTQ feel hurt:
When the people you love the most, refuse to accept and respect a sacred aspect of who they say they are, they feel unloved. So no matter how much you try to be loving, if you don’t love them for who they say they are, they still feel unloved.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Corinthians 13:7
Real love from God bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, which includes when a person says “this is truly who I am.”
I have a scientifically proven medical condition called gender incongruence. I feel male in my brain but I was born biologically female. I medically transitioned legally to essentially save my life and to remediate my chronic stress from this condition.
Throughout the years of my life, this chronic stress increased into bodily imbalances which eventually culminated into serious health issues, one forcing me to get a 10 hour reconstructive jaw surgery that left me in the ICU recovering for a week. Literally right after beginning my medical transition, my chronic stress dissipated and I feel the healthiest I’ve ever been because of being treated.
Medical conditions shouldn't be a religious debate. They are scientifically, backed up, peer reviewed and life saving. I can’t help people if they place religion over my own well being, but I pray that they will see Jesus was not anti-science, but pro everyone living their best life, and I can say with full confidence, I am living my best life.
I also know it takes time to learn how to accept people like Jesus did, so I have compassion for these people on their journey. Sending love their way.
--
Christianity was my cage.
Worship music was my constant meal of guilt and shame.
Always replaying how I’m not good enough.
--
February 5th
The religion of mainstream Christendom that stem from pagan roots put many Christians under a spell of delusion. They say God or Satan creates their reality when in fact, they create their own reality. Things are not happening to them, but rather for them by themselves. People may join in that creation, but they are their own creations.
If religion can convince you that you are out of control, then it can convince you that you need religion in order to be in control. And instead of saying they are the ones who are in control, they combined the religion with God and said it is God who is in control when one submits to their religion. They do this subtly and slyly, and they get away with it.
--
Mainstream Christianity is a drug that is in my opinion, even more dangerously addictive and destructive than nicotine. It has created killers in the name of God. It has justified genocide in the name of God. It has destroyed and colonized in the name of God. Whole nations have been decapitated by war because of this religion. Innocent men, women and babies have died in the name of this religion. The desire and addiction for power using the instrument of Christianity is dangerous because it impacts the world collectively, not individually. One person may be addicted to nicotine, but if you get a full group addicted to religion, people become statistics in obituaries.
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