Entry 1,702 - Entry 1,735.5
Entry 1,702 - March 17th 2023
Mean Girls the movie may be the girl bible for the ladies, but rap is the only place where a man can be cocky, talk about pussy, and somehow still keep his reputation.
So many modern rap songs are trash. Remove the beats and keep the verses, and they sound like a broken percussion by a creep who makes poems about women’s private parts. When are they going to focus on women’s smarts, their hearts, and their love in every fart???
Entry 1,703 - March 21st
I got bored, so I started living my best life.
Entry 1,704 - March 22nd
White magic, new age, Kundalini spirituality that stresses one needs to be detached from emotions—completely contrary to why we came here—is super toxic. Any idea of transcending your emotions is also a denial of our humanity because we came here with an emotional body to feel every emotion, not just “the good ones”… Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.
When you deny your emotions, you also deny yourself. You deny the reason why you came here—to experience life in a human vessel. Toxic spirituality encourages people to detach, disassociate, and disconnect from their emotions. Healthy spirituality encourages one to feel and integrate one’s emotions in each present moment.
Emotions are a roadmap to how we feel. They are a divine instrument that creates deeper connections with those around us. By sharing our emotions with ourselves and others, we create connections deeper than if we were to repress, suppress, or detach from them. We show ourselves and others what is or isn’t important to us, what hurts us, and what heals us. What creates happiness and what destroys it for us.
Entry 1,705
Emotions aren’t the problem; it’s repressing them in a way that disconnects one from another rather than experiencing them authentically to heal the pain and strengthen the connection.
It’s no fun to feel that we’ve hurt another, but how much better to know that we’ve hurt someone than be left in the dark and never find out because those emotions were repressed?
The first choice opens the door to healing; the second door is never found because of repression. Repression dampens connection. It chooses to keep to oneself rather than to share liberally.
Emotions are a gift to each person. They teach us what matters dearly to another person. We learn what makes the other laugh, cry, feel joyful, or feel sad. Each person is unique and special in their experience of emotions. It’s about time we honor the divine feminine in everyone.
Entry 1,706 - March 22nd 2023
Things I’m realizing that I adopted from toxic spirituality: not feeling my emotions, denying my emotions, assuming I’m honoring them by being in a place of neutrality, but I’m really just denying my emotional body and associating my emotional body—or even some of the “less liked emotions”—with the part of me that is evil.
Take this example: How boring would it be if you were to watch a movie where everyone is just neutral and no one reacts with their emotional body? Where everyone dismisses conflict and continues on? The whole reason why we watch movies is to see how people work through conflict, work through their emotions, and work through issues, and to see the triumphs through the contrast of their experience.
I personally believe that we came to Earth to experience what life is like with our unique emotional body attached to us. To deny our emotions, either by assuming we’re transcending them or because we heard neutrality is “closest to godhood,” are both still denials of why we came here and a denial of who we are as humans—duality incorporated.
Entry 1,707
Jesus is awesome, but the Christian religion traumatized me, so naturally, I’m on guard when it comes to any form of century-old religions. Actually, all religion traumatized me in one way or another, and I’m still trying to un-traumatize myself.
Entry 1,708
People come down from the spirit world to experience what it’s like to live in Britain, China, to be Republican, Democratic, or a conglomeration of all these. To choose one’s ethnicity, culture, traditions, connections, etc.
We also have people who, once they come down into their Earth existence, hop on the deny-my-humanity train by trying to live as if they are only divine. This is a key example of disassociation at its finest. These people live in denial of their current present experience.
They become almost like bland cheese—neutral with no opinions so they can be more like God. People see these vague, disassociated people pretending to be closer to Godhood than others and start to worship them as such because they are “different,” not necessarily better. But these followers are convinced in their heads that this person is “better” than others, which reinforces their belief in denial of humanity as evidence of their godhood.
These people who deny their humanity are convinced by their spiritually puffed-up ego that they are closer to God for having fewer opinions and fewer reactions, so many of them accept the worship and adoration from their followers as a way to affirm their spiritually puffed-up ego.
Even though they deny themselves of having desires, ironically, this perspective is powered by the deep-rooted desire to be like God in a world full of humans, hence still entrapped within a deep-rooted desire.
Entry 1,709 - March 23rd
DO SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS TO BREAK OUT OF OLD HABITS.
LIKE EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, THE MOVIE.
IT IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO JUMP.
Entry 1,710 - March 23rd
You know who, besides the spiritual community, doesn’t feel other people’s emotions? Psychopaths.
Entry 1,710
Any type of religion or spirituality that teaches denial of one’s humanity is known to create some sort of toxic superiority.
Entry 1,711 - March 25th 2023
Religions and spiritualities that stress evolving more than others or elevate any of their leaders as being superior to others are in danger of raising spiritual, pathological narcissists incapable of seeing their own demise because their group encourages and reinforces it.
In the example of Yogananda, he is seen as “the Master” and more “enlightened” than his followers. His followers are encouraged not to question his instructions but to follow them regardless because he is more “self-realized” than them.
One of his most faithful followers, Swami Kriyananda, even proudly said that if his master told him to jump off a cliff, he would do it. Such denial of critical thinking and acceptance of death because of blind obedience to another human being is beyond me, but it exists all the time in religion and spirituality.
This has the potential to create a domino effect of spiritual narcissism in its followers. People who follow this line of thinking see themselves as part of a “special branch” that helps them evolve at an extremely fast rate toward self-realization. But at the same time, it conditions unconscious and dangerous pathological narcissism.
One starts to see people who don’t like or agree with the movement as “not understanding” or “not being self-realized enough to realize it.” The problem is always on those outside of the group rather than investigating the claims at hand. They’ve been conditioned to do this by hearing over and over, “Don’t question Master, just do as you’re told, and eventually, you may understand.”
Any type of discouragement from religious leaders to ask questions and an expectation for followers to blindly follow creates blind sheep who don’t think for themselves. Narcissism causes people to see their wants and needs blended as one with the “God incarnate master.”
They can’t differentiate what they truly want from what their Master wants because they would feel guilty separating themselves vibrationally from their Master. Therefore, they do not end up differentiating. They see their Master as the one who sees all and is one with all at a higher degree, so they mistake systemic narcissism in religion as an attribute of this Master who is perceived as “God incarnate.”
Who doesn’t like to be questioned? Pathological spiritual narcissists. Who doesn’t like others to think for themselves, preferring that they think for them? Narcissists. Who creates unhealthy relationships with unhealthy boundaries? Narcissists.
I’m not saying it’s good or bad to have a hint of narcissistic behavior because there is a spectrum of narcissism that can help one maintain a sense of self. But religion is known to carry a shit ton more narcissism with its leaders that hinders and hurts more than it helps.
Entry 1,712 - March 25th
I’m not living a lie.
I’m living my life.
Designed for what’s best for my time.
On earth, in the dirt.
Swirling around, getting hurt.
Entry 1,713 - March 26th
These American people in office have no problem trying to sign in laws forcing people to de-transition, but then throw a fit when they’re asked to get a COVID vaccine to curb the death toll in a pandemic. It’s almost like they scream, “My body, my choice,” only when it’s applicable to them.
Entry 1,714 - March 27th
I personally believe that those people who are after enlightenment and become gurus, spiritual teachers, pastors, or whatever, are merely playing a character in that life.
Just like “I’m playing Kyglo,” getting my MFA in Acting to make my dream to act professionally a reality, someone else could be a professional cook for an expensive restaurant or a NASCAR driver. No one is less likely to make it out or be able to go to a higher plane of existence due to a particular character’s passion. Therefore, I do not think these “enlightened gurus or spiritual teachers” are higher than others who play different characters with different passions.
The self-proclaimed gurus are just as much another character someone is playing. They are no more valuable or less valuable than any other player. It’s just an experience. It’s a character. It’s a façade. It doesn’t mean someone is more elevated, more evolved, or more conscious. It just means they’re experiencing that character.
Entry 1,715 - March 30th
Spirituality made me feel guilty for having wants.
Want, in its purest form, is simply love.
Entry 1,716 - April 1st
The idea of awakening as an event rather than an everyday occurrence, in my opinion, does the exact opposite of its intention by puffing the ego up.
The rhetoric used in the spiritual community that one “no longer likes small talk,” or they don’t “fit in with normies,” or they are “too evolved for their friend group,” creates an unnecessary distinction between them and others based on their own religious beliefs in their personal evolution being superior to those around them.
It’s no different than the distinction some Christians create between saved and unsaved. Yes, someone can assume they’re more evolved than others on the basis of their beliefs, whether that be in or outside of religion, but that chasm creates more issues related to superiority that breeds internalized hierarchies that are not necessary. Toxic superiority rather than equality will always do that.
One can perceive everyone as evolved in their own way to help humanity gain equality in spirit, which helps keep one grounded and rooted in a more realistic reality. The moment one deters with their religious or spiritual beliefs into the grounds that they or their group are more evolved or more spiritual than everyone, the less likely they are to take criticism from those they deem as “less evolved.” The feedback loop of keeping people in check gets destroyed, cultivating unnecessary pathological narcissistic perceptions and tendencies in behavior toward others.
Entry 1,717 - April 2nd 2023
The mess is also part of the success.
Entry 1,718
All the women in my life have changed my life, and so naturally, I worship them.
I think all men should worship women until they learn how to treat them as equals.
Praise is closer to peace and love than devaluation and objectification.
Entry 1,719 - April 5th 2023
I've been told by others I’m amazing at reading tone in others, but my personal critique of myself on expressing tones is that I haven’t spent many years freely expressing tone because of my childhood.
I suppressed my personal, specific action in the words I spoke to avoid being spanked as a child. Spanking, often reinforced via the Bible, was something my parents practiced, and I don’t blame them because they were doing the best they could with what they knew.
Now I’m in the process of overriding that safety mechanism that suppresses tonal switches and speaking boldly the simple actions in my words.
Entry 1,720
I think some of the loneliest people are the ones most emphatic about having a personal relationship with an invisible sky daddy.
The focus is not that I don’t believe God exists, but rather that everything that exists is a part of us, as we are a part of everything.
It’s not that I don’t believe in God. It’s that I believe we are everything.
If we are everything, then you feel the liberty to label everything as God, Source, energy, or whatever else you want to call all of it. There’s no differentiation in everything. It’s all-inclusive. It’s total oneness, and what belief is more secure than the one that doesn’t reside conceptually but is physically perceivable? That’s no longer a belief; that’s a knowing.
Entry 1,721
They say that you can find billions of people to love you right, but I still think there is nothing like a love that carries over from lifetime to lifetime… A soul so dedicated to you that they willingly reincarnated with you just to be with you.
Entry 1,722 - April 6th
Why do we have to justify our preferred way of expressing ourselves over how others prefer us to be in relation to their paradigms of piousness? Is me transitioning really going to be the kicker for Jesus to throw me into hell?
Entry 1,723
These stories that live in me want to break out of me.
They want to be heard.
They want to be felt.
They want to be seen.
Entry 1,724
Back when I was a follower of the Christian religion, specifically the denomination of evangelicalism, I thought God was speaking to me through prayer. But I think most of the time, it was just my ego regurgitating my beliefs back to me.
Entry 1,725 - April 7th
Loving myself in the midst of people trying to get me to hate a part of who I am will continue to be my favorite move.
Entry 1,726
To little Ky:
Banking your salvation, your whole salvation, on a story from the past is a little extreme, don’t you think?
Entry 1,727
Not everyone has to agree with me, accept me, or believe in me. Personally, I love proving people wrong. I've had people say, "You'll never make it as an actor." Okay, enjoy watching me prove you wrong.
Entry 1,728 - April 9th
One time, when I went to a Russian Orthodox Church, I asked the priest how the church was seen, and he told me, “It’s like a hospital for those in need.” I remember thinking, “What a weird way to envision religion.” Then, later on, when I was perusing their official Orthodox website, which represents Orthodox churches all over the world, it said the same thing. Not only do their own leaders believe it to be so, but I do too, with common consensus from my own personal experience:
Religion is for the weak.
Religion, in the sense of any outward belief system that describes you as in need and promises to give you that which will make you enlightened, go to heaven, be closer to God, yada yada yada. The premise that you’re not enough and that you need it is what draws those who believe they're weak to their doors.
Truly, no one is weak—just misguided in their belief system about themselves. For if they truly knew how powerful they are, they would never mindlessly submit to a religion created with the intention to convince them of their weakness in order to prescribe them an antidote they already are in essence.
Entry 1,729
If someone were to accuse me of being sacrilegious for saying Peppa Pig died for our sins when a Christian writes on my post that Jesus died for me for many reasons, I’d ask this: Throughout the centuries, there are thousands of religions with the same theme. God came down, became a man born of a virgin, was sacrificed for us, and then saved us. Which religion am I offending? What if it’s my own religion? What if I believe I’m Peppa the Pig to myself, and you're also Peppa the Pig, and everybody is Peppa the Pig?
The number of women I know who are 40 years and older and married for every reason besides being in love makes me feel sad on their behalf.
There’s zero evidence that Jesus was crucified on a cross, but if he were, then I would say this: I don’t believe Jesus died to save us from ourselves but to show us that salvation is ourselves.
Christian culture is synonymous with people-pleasing culture.
When my present self finds a song that my future self has been listening to for years, I can tell. I feel it deep in my bones the very first time I hear it.
There’s a type of love where you have to convince yourself you love them after they’ve already loved you.
I’m literally so hitched and so unhinged at the same time.
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