Journal Discourse Part 59

At this heightened level of intensity, this started happening yesterday…I don’t know exactly what has happened exactly to illicit this deep drop into an extreme amount of euphoria, but now it happens when I meditate.

Perhaps it is less of what has happened and more so of what has not happened? Perhaps my connection with the present moment is deeper through remaining in it unfettered? That is what I’m leaning more towards as a possibility.

I’ve been meditating almost every day for about three and a half years, and now when I meditate, I feel like my whole body is vibrating euphorically and harmoniously. It feels almost like I am in such deep connection with the present moment, that I have no body. That my body is a gestalt of subtle vibrations that somehow culminate into “Kyglo.”

I’ve been in more meditations than I can count where I’m constantly looking at the timer on my phone waiting for it to strike zero, but now something has changed drastically. Now, I could quite literally sit or lay in this experience through meditation for hours if I don’t pull myself out of it.

It feels like a warm bath of electrons flowing and vibrating all throughout my body. The closest thing I can relate it to is the feeling of your central nervous system warming up after another type of euphoric release… But even better... If you get what I’m saying.

It doesn’t mean I have altogether stopped encountering a stream of thoughts that come through because, are we not built with a radio to receive those signals in the first place? But rather, each time thoughts do come through and I return my awareness to the space between the thoughts, to the space beyond the thoughts, it’s like my soul is dipped into a deep spaciousness of peace.

I feel so one with all that no other experience compares. No amount of amazing food, no amount of amazing traveling, no amount of any outward trinket of desire compares to this state of oneness.

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July 11th 2022

Human Enlightenment or whatever you would like to call it, is not merely a “one and done” experience. It isn’t like going to six flags and being like, “I’ve been on Batman so I want something new.”

Rather, one of many definitions of enlightenment is that is an evolutionary upgrade of energy. Part of healing is upgrading. Part of upgrading is experiencing euphoria. Less misery equals more happiness. More happiness equals less harm. Less harm means new cycles to explore.

Each evolutionary level of consciousness focuses predominantly in a way that reflects their current state of mind. If one is primarily focused on how they are the victim in most situations because misery is the predominant issue and conversation in their minds and with other people, then there world will make sure to amplify what they focus on.

When someone gets tired of being miserable by always making themselves the victim in almost every scenario, they will start to redirect their energy and attention into healing from that habitual though pattern. Whether it is instantaneous through meditation or linear through self-analysis, when that time comes, the cycle changes.

Maybe instead of them always searching for how they are the victim, they start searching for how both people experienced being the victim and the perpetrator in most situations. Then they also realize, they both didn’t want to hurt each other, but hurt people hurt people, and so they seek a way to heal their hurt so they don’t project it onto others.

Each evolutionary progression of the mind is a milestone leap in experience. One person at a water park could be having the literal worst day of their lives. No matter what rides, what anyone says, or what they do, they are feeling miserable. Then there is someone else who can experience the polar opposite and have the best day of their life regardless of the outward circumstances at the water park. The thing that makes the difference is their state of mind.

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July 13th

To do nothing is a sacred experience of the present moment uninhibited by time or matter.

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I would prefer all religions die together, that way we can start fresh and more easily root out the toxicity from it's total death.

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When did we become afraid of being different? Isn’t that what people love? But then why do so many of us hate it as well? When I went to London people loved hearing my American accent. Many ladies even thought it was hot.

Then when a British guy comes to America, it's like there are some ladies just drooling over how he doesn't annunciate his r's like the rest of us.

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July 15th

Another conceptual definition of Being/Nirvana/Enlightenment/Salvation is total surrender of the past and total surrender of the future.

People who say you need spirituality to reach enlightenment… or you need shadow work to reach something that you already are…. That’s like showing one side of a quarter and saying it’s both.

Realistically, not everyone will ironically realize the simplest truth that you already are what you desire to achieve (enlightenment) and so oftentimes, they will desire a more physical route towards themselves. Then there are many that will experience it whenever they experience total surrender in the present moment.

This whole idea Enlightenment “isn’t real unless it’s sustained forever” is also bogus. It reminds me of marketers who need to show you that you have a problem in order to get you to purchase their product in time and space. The whole point of earth is to experience multiple states besides your own true nature: Enlightenment. That’s what makes experiencing enlightenment so paradoxical, captivating and rewarding all at the same time.

If one really one looks hard enough, one can find a problem with their mind that needs purifying, shadow work, or retraining of the mind, but that is the reality of human nature. The body (which includes the mind and all its trinkets) will always need to be transcended. It's a 2nd density vehicle borrowed for a limited time from Mother Earth. Whether you take 180 days through a specific technique to experience your first transcendent moment or just right now, regardless of your path, the body is transcended.

Nirvana is realizing your true nature. It isn’t a matter of becoming something you’re not or else technically, I and countless others should not have been able to experience that with all the junk that I had in the mind. The fact that I experienced it even when I did have all that junk, with all the fear, with all the bad habits, is proof to myself that we are enlightenment embodied.

There are many routes to experiencing yourself inside and outside of the realm of "here’s a technique" or simply without any. Both are valid. I think it’s fun and exciting to experience both but through experience, I will never push the notion that something outside of you, such as this belief held within space and time, or this technique, or this shadow work is necessary to “reach salvation.” If I did, then I’d be contradicting my own personal experience.
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July 23rd 2022

I have no fear in hell. No fear in the devil. No fear in evil. No fear even in death. The power you regain from removing the unprovable, toxic fear-based beliefs from religion or your life is surmountable.

In regards to actual death. What good is there to fear the inevitable? Are not all things that have been born will eventually die? Are we not all in the same boat? Fearing the inevitable adds an unnecessary amount of stress and anxiety to that which is bound to happen.

Rather, when you accept death as it is, you begin to appreciate it. Starting and ending a book produces different flavors of experience. Both carry their own beauty in their own ways. Some long for the story to continue, others long for it to end. But if you accept it’s length for what it is, you can appreciate what it offered when it did.

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July 23rd

A person asked different people what air was. He went up to the scientist and said, what is air?

The scientist replied: "Standard Dry Air is made up of nitrogen, oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide, neon, helium, krypton, hydrogen, and xenon. It does not include water vapor because the amount of vapor changes based on humidity and temperature."

He went up to a Christian and asked, "What is air?"

The Christian answered, “the Holy Spirit of course!”

The Jew responded, “The Ruach of course.”

The Scientologist responded, “Take our 3,000 dollar course and we’ll tell you.”

The New Age Spiritualist responded, “Something used for our benefit, but even more so good and bad entities are in it and the timelines are splitting so hop on our die.”

And so forth.

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July 15th

You’re right, not all 2nd graders could do calculus, but does that rule out entirely that a few 2nd graders can’t do calculus?

There’s a bell curve inside of time, and then one that transcends time. Our idea of when someone should reach that state is oftentimes contingent on a lot of expectations. Even if there are expectations but one surrenders completely, is that also considered valid?

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July 19th 2022

Ego cannot be aware of everything, so it calls all things beyond it's limits meaningless. Well that is because everything is meaningless to the ego if it cannot grasp everything. Only that which the ego can grasp serves to mean something to it.

The last battle between the real You and the ego is the belief all things are meaningless. Since the ego cannot understand unconditional love, which renders itself as oneness, it throws it out and sees all which is seen as such as meaningless.

Separation makes sense to the ego and that is where it derives it’s meaning. Oneness makes no sense to the ego and so that is where it derives what it considers meaningless.

If your last attachment to the ego is the belief that all things and nothing is meaningless, you are close to liberation. Love will prevail and the ego will step down from its position of control.

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July 21st

Those who have been diagnosed with gender incongruence, we medically transition so that we don’t get questioned on if we’re a boy or girl. We want to be seen as the gender we feel we should have been assigned at birth.

The point of myself medically transitioning was to create congruency between my body and brain, not to stand in between male and female.

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July 22nd

For anyone saying “He came out too fast as transgender”… If you watched any of my videos on social media, you would know for the past 2 years it was extremely obvious that I was somewhere on the lgbtq spectrum because I was publicly exploring my sexuality and gender identity via social media.

Besides that, I don’t owe anyone an “approved timeline” of coming out as transgender. Everyone comes out when they are ready to. It is a delicate process to come out. Many that do come out as trans end up getting kicked out, losing the support of many of our family and friends and even worse, they suffer from hate crimes. It’s not a fun process by any means.

To some, that still might have seemed way too quick. But for me, waiting 25 years to come out and live my truth wasn’t quick enough. Consider it from all angles. The best thing you can do is send love, not judgement for when we felt safest to come out.
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July 23rd

You’ll say “Jesus didn’t come to create a religion” and you’ll notice that a predominant amount of Christians agree with that statement. Then the next day they’ll return to church for their two hour Bible study.

They’ll return to the pews and sit in obedience to the leader of that church which is somehow, not religious at all in their eyes. It’s complete cognitive dissonance, a complete misunderstanding of what falls under the category of "religion" or "being religious."

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July 24th 2022

I oftentimes get this thought that comes into my mind:

So much of what we do is simply exchanging information with one another. And if the information is already at our fingertips like “what is ADHD” or “what happens to the brain when you’re in love”, what’s the point of interacting of what we do is exchange information?

Now if someone is exchanging information that is private to their life, then it becomes more interesting because it’s new information. You are being surprised with something you cannot get from reading the internet.

But besides that, even experiencing events with someone is a type of exchange of information. Through our experience we are learning and that learning required an exchange of attention for information.

So in this day and age, attention seems to be the most important commodity amongst companies, businesses, coworkers, family members, friends and even haters. If they can capture your attention, it doesn't matter what you know or don't know, what you think about them, they have your eyes on them and that's more than enough. That is their holy grail.

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Beliefs

Cult leaders follow this pattern to program you:

Give them a belief that will give them a reason to follow you (It’s very similar to marketing schemes)

Feed them enough fear from a belief that cannot be proven, where they do not know the answer, so that they need the cult leader to address it.

Cult leader throws around shiny words and topics that lure person in.

Mixes pseudo science and other topics to support his position even though it literally doesn’t make sense.

For example: Some up and coming new age cult leader used the cell splitting as an example of how the earth is splitting even though there is literally zero evidence that the earth is splitting like a cell.

Mixes multiple topics in biology, physics, chemistry to make his belief sound smart but it’s actually just rancid with fear.

They say things like, “You need to raise your vibes or else you will get left behind.” Then they blab on for five minutes how it’s going to happen even though it’s beyond nonsensical.

Or they’ll say, “You need to blah blah or else you’ll die.” Well no shit sherlock we’re all going to die eventually.

But claiming people will die sooner based on a fear-laced, doomsday belief with no actual direct evidence is conspiracy theories manifested full force.


July 24th 2022

The problem is…
It’s so easy to love you.
I take one look at one of our memories and I cannot help but smile.
It’s hard to forget about you.
The more I try, the more I remember.
Normally I don’t take the time to learn the little details.
But with you, it’s seamless.

There’s a part of me that hates falling in love.
Because it feels like I’m losing control over my feelings.
I want to remain equanimous but for some reason you make that hard for me.
Because you are special to me.
You are important to me.
And living life with you is the only thing that makes sense.
Everything else is just kind of there.
But you are my constant.

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Kid to their dad: “Daddy why do people believe there’s a man in the sky who punishes people for not listening to him?”

Father to their kid: “When people are uncomfortable with their own existence, they create images rooted in limits to make them feel better about their own. By breathing life into an image said to be "God" held firm in their minds, they feel closer to this image they label as “God”, and thus fall in love with the image they have created that ironically resembles themselves more than anything else.”

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July 29th 2022

When the people you love the most, refuse to accept and respect a sacred aspect of who they say they are, they feel unloved. So no matter how much you try to be loving, if you don’t love them for who they say they are, they feel unloved.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Corinthians 13:7

Real love from God bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, which includes when a person says “this is truly who I am.”

I have a scientifically proven medical condition called gender incongruence. I feel male in my brain but I was born biologically female. I medically transitioned legally to essentially save my life and to remediate my chronic stress from the condition.

Throughout the years of my life, this chronic stress increased into bodily imbalances which eventually culminated into serious life or death related health issues, one forcing me to get a 10 hour reconstructive jaw surgery that left me in the hospital recovering for a week. Literally right after beginning my transition from female to male, I was able to remove my chronic stress and I feel the healthiest I’ve ever been because of being treated.

Medical conditions shouldn't be a religious debate. They are scientifically, backed up, peer reviewed and life saving. I can’t help you if you place religion over my own well being, but I pray that you will see Jesus was not anti-science but pro everyone living their best life, and I can say with full confidence I am living my best life.

I also know it takes time to learn how to accept people like Jesus did, so I have compassion for these people on their journey. Sending love their way.

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Establishing 2+2 equals for we have established a base reality. If we do not establish a based reality then the irrational becomes rational and the rational becomes irrational.

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