Entry 2,389 - Entry 2,395

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Entry 2,389 - December 24, 2024 

I went within and destroyed every version of myself that could not sustain the powerhouse that is within me.

Entry 2,390 - December 27, 2024

 

 
Pious morality that religion dramatizes is a scam.

Everyone views everyone else based on their level of consciousness.

Even very high-consciousness individuals are seen as evil by people with lower levels of consciousness.

It doesn’t matter how nice you are—they will see you how they see themselves more often than not.

They will even see God how they see themselves.

Entry 2,391 - December 29, 2024

 
Jung said he didn’t want to strive to be good; he wanted to strive to be whole, and really, that is my goal.

Every person's idea of piousness will differ based on their consciousness. Don't do it for others because you'll never satisfy them, and it'll be like a dog biting its own tail. Do it for you. Improve for you, because that is what matters the most.

Entry 2,392 - December 29, 2024

 
Christendom did not help me at all in integrating my shadow, as referenced by Carl Jung. If anything, it made me more of a people pleaser—more of a Mr. Nice Guy. It forced me even further into a particular way of being to please those in charge of my religion and my family in order to be acceptable and seen as pious.

Entry 2,393 - December 30, 2024

 
When I was weak, religion owned me. When I realized my strength, I owned religion.

When I was weak, religion set the limits. When I realized my strength, I broke free from all perceived limitations of religion.

Entry 2,394 - December 30, 2024

Poem

I need to close this chapter of love from the past.
There's no point in holding on
To something that was never there.

Only free in my dreams,
An idea never actualized.
You may have loved me,
But you may have not.

And I have to be okay with not knowing,
And not expecting a fairytale from an already absent love.
A dream from the past,
A scent that did not last.

Memories that were meant to only be memories,
Ideas with no weight,
No dimensions,
Just a distant thought.

Entry 2,395 - December 30, 2024

I guess what's hardest about these past loves I never spoke about is that there was so much I wanted to say. So much hopecore. So much romance. So much joy.

Even if it ended up being unrequited, if I had shared them with my crushes, at least I would have been able to share some of the joy from these dreams in my mind—these unactualized ideas. Maybe they would have seen it and dived into it. Maybe they would have politely refused the offer. But at least I would have said something. At least it then would have become a part of their memory as well.

Maybe that's what hurts the most. Not necessarily the lack of reciprocation, but the absence of my feelings being seen. So at least they would have known I did love them deeply. So deeply it hurt. So much that it felt like a chasm I would fall into intentionally, over and over again, if it meant I could be with them.

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